The end of an era (M/F)

[Utarhill]

Warning! This story contains elements that could be perceived as Non-Con.

This is the story about the last time I was with Jennifer.

At this point in our relationship, we had been a couple for 13 months.

In the last couple of months, we had been having troubles. Several of them. She was having troubles in her classes at her college, because she was disillusioned with her career choice, with the consequence of making our daily phone calls to go from maybe 25-35 minutes to an hour and a half of just her complaining and venting (eventually exhausting me because it got to a point where I wouldn’t even talk back anymore), and on her obligatory military training tours she got a yeast infection (she and half of her platoon got it as they bathed and cleaned themselves with contaminated water) that made having sex uncomfortable on the least.

At the same time, she got diagnosed with a hormonal disorder (that was supposedly the reason of why she was so short and thin) and the whole med cocktail that she needed to take daily to readjust her hormones and fight the yeast infection made her have mood swings and jealousy bouts. Usually, I would ease all the stress she had through dates and orgasms (not spectacular ones, just good enough for her to forget about the world for a few hours) many times at cost of my own pleasure (I felt so worn out that I simply wasn’t in the mood for anything but wanted to make her happy and enjoy those short moments). But with the yeast infection sex stopped being pleasant and became painful for her, stressing her more. With time we simply stopped having sex and just stuck to dates, but due to her mood swings that stopped being effective too.

All that stress eventually caught up to me and led to us breaking up.

But before that, we tried to have sex one last time.

We met at my house. We timed it so we would have at least four hours alone. When she arrived, she looked more gorgeous than ever, dressed in a white summer dress and even wearing makeup, something I didn’t got to see often (she didn’t like to wear makeup because the one she had gave her pimples afterwards). We talked about what we were going to do. Since her lubrication appeared to be the problem, as every time she got wet by herself (i.e. she got excited) the itching started, we decided to try something a little bit odd, but it could’ve worked: external lubrication.

We took off our clothes and she offered her hands, but I didn’t want to tie her up this time. However, I did want to gag her (as it was the thing that excites me the most in BDSM) so I gagged her with a long piece of double-sided tape and blindfolded her (at her request) with a black cloth (made from a t-shirt). Once she was ready, she laid on her back, I just sat there and admired her, while touching myself a bit. I put a pillow and a towel behind her butt to ease my access to her private parts and then waited again, to ensure that she didn’t get wet by herself, and even being annoying to make sure of it.

I then put on a condom and a shit-ton of water-based lube (3 full packets; yes, in Cuba lube for sex came in packets that looked exactly the same as the ones from the condoms). I penetrated her and she made a small moan, almost un-hearable. I asked her if everything was okay, and she just nodded and smiled a bit under the gag. I then started moving back and forth and she hugged me, very strongly (which I interpreted as her having a pain that she had described in the past as bearable enough to enjoy the sex).

It was very weird. Her vagina was so tight, but at the same time, it was so “slippery” that I wasn’t feeling almost anything. Just a somewhat pleasant warmth. Now. As I said before, Jennifer got used to making as little noise when we had sex due to her nosey neighbors, but this time was quieter than ever. I couldn’t almost even hear her breathing. I took off the blindfold and asked her if everything was okay, if she was feeling pain and to remind her that she could end it at any given time with no consequences by snapping her fingers. She simply nodded her head and mumbled to me to keep going. I didn’t put the blindfold back, as I wanted to be able to see the look in her eyes (her only real indicator of what she really felt at any given time) and kept going. I thrusted a couple of times while looking her on the eyes (I asked her not to close them). What I saw made stop. I pulled out and went to the other side of the room, shocked. She took off the tape and started apologizing and crying.

Fear and horror.

What I saw was fear and puer horror on her eyes. She was completely terrified of me, and that made me recoil.

The truth is that while she wasn’t feeling any pain, she wasn’t feeling any pleasure either. She said it was like being sedated to the point where you don’t feel pain, but your sense of touch is intact. And the feel of my penis going in and out of her vagina without pain or pleasure simply terrified her. Like if she was at gynecologist and the inspection didn't end. She wanted it to stop from the beginning, but forced herself to endure it and didn’t say anything because she wanted me to de-stress and to believe I was (falsely) making her happy.

I felt disgusted with her and myself. Between the feeling that I had just violated her and that I felt betrayed because she was lying to me, I simply couldn’t take it anymore.

I gave her clothing and told her to dress back up as I dressed up myself.

I accompanied her to her house and then came back to my house to cry. I felt filthy, like if I had done something terrible (which I did, even if she forced herself to endure it, nothing will ever take away the feeling that I hurt her, even if not physically the trauma that kind of thing can give is not to be underestimated and, of all things, I certainly didn’t want her to be afraid of me).

We didn’t talk again until a week had passed. We had an argument over the phone for about two hours and after that I just went to her house for the last time to give her all her stuff that was at my house and to get back all my stuff that was at her house.

That was the end of a of my relationship with my first girlfriend. the end of a great romance and the end of my first BDSM relationship.

Sorry for the cheesy ending, but that is how I feel nowadays about that. It was beautiful while it lasted, but it's something that I simply wouldn't want to go again.