For My Wife: Background Context and Fantasy #1 (F/M)

[MiddlesexCoHusband]

This is a true fantasy of mine that I hope to fulfill someday. If I do, I will edit and update the status at the bottom.

My wife is blond and beautiful, short and thicker. She has big DD+ breasts and a face that is a mix of predominately beauty and cuteness. Her sexual interests are vanilla and conventional and lean toward a neutral power balance: she does not like to either give or receive oral sex, and if oral sex occurs, it’s for me because she is a good wife. Most of our sex is granola.

She is a former high school cheerleader while I am dork. I’m a dork, but I’m a romantic dork and - she tells me - handsome. Otherwise I am completely at a loss for how I got her. Especially because I was clear about my creative, high maintenance sexuality. I minimally spoke about my submissive side as it made her uncomfortable.

Since I am writing this for my wife, I will spare the details about how she . . . services . . . me. All I’ll tell - at least here and right now - is a quote from her concerning our intimate life: “You trained me.”

We’ve had one real intimate encounter where I could have been considered submissive: I put on a thong, got on my knees, and licked her pussy. She role played and dirty talked as a dominatrix before I put on the thong, and was VERY good at it. This was for my birthday and recent: we’ve been together over ten years. It might not sound like much, but I am hoping it’s the start of a new chapter in our sex life.

Considering my wife with her interests and comfort, it occurred to me that rather than a dominatrix, her role could be as a witness and facilitator for my degradation. It’s more authentic since she has to extend herself less and remain closer to her comfort zone. While the experience would be less intense and immersive - I doubt I could reach sub-space - my kinky desires could be mulled. Also, as she openly volunteers, and I witnessed when training her, she does better with gradual steps rather than sudden immersion.

Ultimately, part of my submissive desire is to be possessed or owned, and I want HER to own me, even if she doesn’t get the thrill, rush, and satisfaction that a dominate person does. Maybe once she has the power, she’ll find pleasure or learn to enjoy it in someway.

Fantasy #1 - Some Basics

Babe, this will take place in the guest bedroom. I will neatly and tastefully empty the closet out (and, yes, put it back together afterwards) before hand.

Step 1: I will wear only a thong while you are fully dressed or comfortably dressed. I can simply change into the thong, or if you would like, you can order me to get naked and to put on the thong. We can start anywhere you would like. (OPTIONAL, although I would ask that you use your dominatrix tone/voice here: before binding me, order me to do the dishes, laundry, etc. before tying me up. When you’ve decided enough chores are done, order me to the guest bedroom.)

Step 2: I will get into the closet and face the back of it. Why the closet? Because I can stand and because it’s like I’m one of your possessions being stored away.

Step 3: Handcuff my hands behind my back and tie the handcuffs to me (run a rope through the chain and loop it around my waist.) Zip tie my ankles together. Zip tie my knees together.

Step 4: With a large sharpie, write your initials on one of my ass cheeks. Or your name. You could add “property of” above it too.

Step 5: Zip tie or (rope) tie the handcuffs to the knee ties.

Step 6: Gag me with the ballgag.

Step 7 (optional): Blindfold me.

Step 8: Tell me to turn around or I will turn around.

Step 9: Close the closet doors.

Step 10: Release me when you release me.


Babe, if you are ready, please find and read #2.


STATUS: UNfulfilled

[copperfox]

Hey, @MiddlesexCoHusband, thanks for sharing! It’s great to hear that you and your wife have such a great relationship…your love for each other really shines through in your post.

I think you’re doing a great job of respecting her boundaries in terms of what she’s currently comfortable in doing. Communication is absolutely key with any intimate activity, and is really important when kinks like ours are introduced in the mix. So, you said that you spoke “minimally” about your submissive side…was that earlier on in your relationship or more recent? When do you plan on letting her read this fantasy that you have?

I don’t know it it would be within her comfort zone or not, but could you and her peruse this forum together so she gets a better understanding of what drives you and where you’re coming from? My wife and I did this on another (similar) forum when we first got married, and all the interaction with other like-minded kinksters was really beneficial for her. She was able to ask lots of different questions and get answers from a very engaging community.

Also, in your scenario, you mentioned having handcuffs and a ballgag. Does she know about these toys yet, or will she find out when you reveal your fantasy to her?

Really look forward to hearing more about how your fantasy plays out, and wish you and your wife lots of fun!

[Boundguy800]

Thanks for sharing your fantasy! I would like to hear more. Just so you know “F/m” means adult female and underage male. Uppercase M means adult male.

[MiddlesexCoHusband]

Thanks for sharing your fantasy! I would like to hear more. Just so you know “F/m” means adult female and underage male. Uppercase M means adult male.

Thank you very much: changed.

[MiddlesexCoHusband]

So, you said that you spoke “minimally” about your submissive side…was that earlier on in your relationship or more recent?

It was early on in our relationship. I wrote her cards often - romantic, sexual, more platonic, etc. - and I described a similar fantasy in there. She, essentially, or at least as I understood it, acknowledged it but gave me the impression to drop it - that she was letting it slide.
I wasn’t that surprised. I’ve encountered more and stronger resistance to my submissive side than my dominant side in the past.

When do you plan on letting her read this fantasy that you have?

I’m not sure. When I think the time is right?

I don’t know it it would be within her comfort zone or not, but could you and her peruse this forum together so she gets a better understanding of what drives you and where you’re coming from? My wife and I did this on another (similar) forum when we first got married, and all the interaction with other like-minded kinksters was really beneficial for her. She was able to ask lots of different questions and get answers from a very engaging community.

This is a great question. I’m honestly not sure.

Also, in your scenario, you mentioned having handcuffs and a ballgag. Does she know about these toys yet, or will she find out when you reveal your fantasy to her?

Yes. We use the handcuffs already. She knows about but has not seen the ballgag. (I might have showed her once and she told me to immediately put it away.)

Really look forward to hearing more about how your fantasy plays out, and wish you and your wife lots of fun!

Thank you!

[copperfox]

There’s no easy or perfect answer as to when the best time is to bring up either this particular fantasy that you have, or of your whole submissive side in general. However, I really do think that communication is one of the critical foundations to a good marriage—and I think this also extends well into the bedroom. From a personal perspective, I consider my kink to be a core part of who I am—and I want my wife to know everything about me…even the parts that she often rolls her eyes at and doesn’t fully understand.

You mentioned that she gave you the impression to “drop it” when you initially brought the subject up a while back. Part of your communication should probably include this. Did you misinterpret her feelings about the subject, or was she uncomfortable with something about it? If that latter, what made her uncomfortable? Was it something in her background, or was she just “weirded out” by it? Was it an issue of “too much, too soon” at that point, but she’d be more open now, years later?

I’d also mention that, while I don’t think your fantasy is extreme or anything out of the ordinary (especially considering the company of this forum ), make sure you’re continuing to keep in mind what’s currently within her comfort level. You stated that you use handcuffs already, but that she might have told you to put the ballgag away “immediately” some time before. Given that, Fantasy #1 may still be out of her comfort zone. But again, communication would be key here.

Lastly, I’ll say that I think a lot of problems that “vanilla” people have with kink is that they just don’t get it. They don’t understand the appeal. At all. Not even a little bit. I’ll use my wife an example…we’ve been married almost 20 years, and she still rolls her eyes as she’s locking my hands behind my back and tells me that she still doesn’t understand how being tied up can be so much fun for me—and specifically, how it’s an activity in itself—rather than a means to another end (e.g., sex). For me, bondage is fantastically comfortable and relaxing. For her—it would be anything but that.

However, she engages in bondage with me, and for me…because we love each other and try to fill each other’s needs as best as possible. After all, that’s what marriage is all about! With that in mind, I’d also say that part of the communication should address this aspect as well (if this applies to your situation).

I hope some of that’s helpful. Feel free to DM me when you can if you ever want to talk more.

[MiddlesexCoHusband]

My wife is not great with communication: we swap gender norms when it comes to emotional expression and communication. For example, I have brought up the card and distant past discussed, and she either blanks on me or simply acknowledged they happened. Pushed for an answer she will say something like, “It’s not my thing.” She does understand I get something strong out of it but doesn’t get it herself.

My wife can act the part, although I’m not sure at what level she would loose character. Giving her scripts, etc. before hand is to allow her to process the experience before the performance.

I’m unsure I would enjoy myself if my wife performed the actions with a smirk: I strongly believe that would knock me out of the headspace. If she was distant, cool, detached, etc., I could work with that. I’m quite self-conscious about it all. Although, weirdly, lately, I might be becoming more comfortable with it.

[copperfox]

Do you know if your wife has read this post yet?

You also mentioned also having a Fantasy #2…have you worked out the details of that particular scenario?

My wife also being mostly vanilla—she certainly indulges me in my fun when I want to be tied up. However, while she’s also tried getting “into character” at times—I’ve found that this really doesn’t work for either of us. She can try to be sexually dominant, but it’s just not her, so it comes off very forced and more artificial…so it doesn’t really add anything to a scene for me. From a personal perspective, this is perfectly fine, as I’m really more into the bondage aspect rather than being a “sub” or dominated.

She also still smirks and often rolls her eyes at what I would like her to do to me—then rolls her eyes even more when it’s time to be let out and I’m complaining about how incredibly sore I am. For what it’s worth, this has only gotten worse, as my body is now convinced that it likes wearing bras and diapers, too.

I used to be very self conscious when asking her to get involved in any of my kink activities. This is a need that I have—yet she isn’t nearly as into bondage as I am. However, the way I now look at it is this—there’s no need to be self conscious with any of what you or I have described. My wife is doing this totally for me, and I know that. However, there are many things that I do for her (both inside and outside the bedroom) that aren’t really my thing, but that I ultimately find enjoyment in because it makes her happy.

All this to say, marriage is about total communication, mutual respect, and a give-and-take attitude that focuses on ensuring that your needs as well as hers are discussed and met, to the greatest extent possible. As with everything in life, there are always limits and boundaries—but again, that’s where communication is absolutely key.