Shame and bondage

[TapeBondage123]

I can relate. My wife is the only other person that knows and it took quite a while and a night of drinking before I was able tell her. Her knowledge of bondage related stuff began and ended with 50 Shades of Gray so it was very difficult to explain that being bound and gagged itself (I found the term for it is vincilagnia) was a major turn on for me - she was understanding thankfully. In the past, I’ve tried to “ignore” it or try to make myself not like it anymore but have come to just accept that it’s just a part of who I am. She’s told me several times that she doesn’t mind it at all but I can’t shake the uneasy feeling I get when I talk about it with her. This forum has been great as I’m comfortable talking about it with all of you.

[illest]

So that brings me to a interesting story ifouor today. So a few months ago I shared with my wife that I did a little dressing occasionally but I wasn't sure it registered. Well I made a critical error that she discovered this morning. I left my false eyelashes on the night stand beside my bed!!

So what followed was about 35 seconds of her looking at me with the most seductive, devilish grin and me having the most sheepish, caught in the cookie jar look. So of course I 100% told her everything. Which I felt I did before but the other time she was getting ready for work and with me telling without much follow up I don't feel she truly got it. So she climbed in the bed with a broad smile and gave me a big hug and kiss and asked me;

"Let me guess, you were afraid because you didn't know how I would react or you thought I would feel differently about you, huh?"

Once again reading me like a book...

"Well I would hope not, but I'd be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind."

"Honey, I understand but you can tell me anything. I know the man I married and I love you so much. I will say though, you are interesting!"

The whole time she had the warmest, loving grin as if she was curious. So now free myself, I asked her "curious to how I look dressed up?" Partly because I finally felt fully free but also to remove all doubt. Without hesitation and a grin she was like "Oh Yeah!" and immediately dived back on the bed. I showed her two pictures of me dressed.

The first was my most recent one; I had on black eyeshadow, mink lashes, bright red lipstick, and a black wig with twin ponytails. White shirt with padding and a peach skirt. It was a front shot but I was hunched over baring my fake concealed breasts flashing a wide "how can I be at your service?" grin. That got a good laugh out of her. The second was me in a cheerleader outfit with blush, bright pink lipstick, and a blonde ruffly wig. I had a brown belt acrosd ot tightly and one hand behind my head trying to look like a diva. She looked with wide eyes and a big grin and said "IS THAT MY BELT!" Yeah, it was...

[Snozzberry]

Bondage is a wonderful thing, just don't tell anyone I said that.

🖐🖐

[jase1010]

As a gay guy, I’m a little ashamed at reading all
these accounts of straight guys being ashamed about loving being bound and gagged and getting turned on. It’s like a shame cycle. Lol

P.S. I also prefer tying straight guys up to tying gay guys up.

[bond_G]

Reading this and everyone that commented on this topic, I feel seen as well. Around two or three months ago, someone close to me called me out when they found out my secret (I never told anyone that I liked bondage and all that stuff). They said they felt disgusted, angry, and even assigned me an online counseling session with a psychologist. I felt ashamed, at my worst, and also disgusted with myself. Even after I told my psychologist about all this stuff and my session with them was over, I didn't feel anything change, nor did I feel I need to change myself. But it's still kind of on and off in my mind. Sometimes I feel ashamed about it, and sometimes I'm not.

[Redman]

Reading this and everyone that commented on this topic, I feel seen as well. Around two or three months ago, someone close to me called me out when they found out my secret (I never told anyone that I liked bondage and all that stuff). They said they felt disgusted, angry, and even assigned me an online counseling session with a psychologist. I felt ashamed, at my worst, and also disgusted with myself. Even after I told my psychologist about all this stuff and my session with them was over, I didn't feel anything change, nor did I feel I need to change myself. But it's still kind of on and off in my mind. Sometimes I feel ashamed about it, and sometimes I'm not.

Okay. THIS one got my dander up. Who did that person think they are to force you into a counseling session?! Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I'd cut that person off completely and never speak to them again. For them to invade your privacy like that, AND put you through a shrink session... Good lord, the nerve! I want to hit that person in the mouth!

Okay. Rant over. Hugs to you @bond_G

[bond_G]

Okay. THIS one got my dander up. Who did that person think they are to force you into a counseling session?! Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I'd cut that person off completely and never speak to them again. For them to invade your privacy like that, AND put you through a shrink session... Good lord, the nerve! I want to hit that person in the mouth!

Okay. Rant over. Hugs to you @bond_G

Thanks, mate! Unfortunately, they were close to me for years now so it might be too awkward for me if I suddenly cut off with them. At least for now, I feel like I'm not in the shadow of my secret anymore. I slowly interact with many people with same interest as well. This forum give me a safe place, so I'm also thankful for everyone in here

[illest]

The good thing about the internet is you find out that there's a whole community out there who're also just as interested into the topic as you are. Talking with others and hearing their experience and perspective really helps you to feel more comfortable with your interest in bondage, I'd say

@captured_prize I totally get you on the added shame of crossdressing on top of it! For the longest time I don't feel comfortable admitting that I do enjoy bondage as well as dressing up en femme, and on the occasions where I did either/both I would always feel great shame, and wished that I could just quit for good... [spoiler: I didn't!] Being in communities - bondage/bdsm, and gender nonconforming folks - have had help me to me more comfortable embracing these other sides of me. [as a side, I don't see it as 'just' crossdressing to me now - it's not as straightforward, but to not bore with the details let's just say I'm trans lol - but I'm always sympathetic and empathize with guys who feel torn up about wanting to dress femininely]

The internet has definitely been a release for me this year. I've even reached the point of joining a crossdressing forum and posting a couple of pics up there. Normally I'd be absolutely terrified of getting discovered but I'm at the point where I don't feel like I look obvious enough that most people will pick me out of a lineup, and those that would being on a crossdresser forum are probably already into it anyway. It was rather amusing getting hit on by a few onlookers regarding my legs. (If there's any part of my body I take pride of when dressing it's my long smooth legs)

I'm straight, or at least 91% straight all things considered, but for a guy who virtually NEVER got hit on my women getting hit on by a few people over some pics male or otherwise was a self-esteem booster. It makes me seriously consider posting some of my bondage pics, though I also want to be careful about doing that on only a like minded community. DA I'm not so sure about because I feel like more people might see them just lurking. Somewhere like here or similar would be more ideal but I'm still a bit apprehensive

[captured_prize]

The good thing about the internet is you find out that there's a whole community out there who're also just as interested into the topic as you are. Talking with others and hearing their experience and perspective really helps you to feel more comfortable with your interest in bondage, I'd say

@captured_prize I totally get you on the added shame of crossdressing on top of it! For the longest time I don't feel comfortable admitting that I do enjoy bondage as well as dressing up en femme, and on the occasions where I did either/both I would always feel great shame, and wished that I could just quit for good... [spoiler: I didn't!] Being in communities - bondage/bdsm, and gender nonconforming folks - have had help me to me more comfortable embracing these other sides of me. [as a side, I don't see it as 'just' crossdressing to me now - it's not as straightforward, but to not bore with the details let's just say I'm trans lol - but I'm always sympathetic and empathize with guys who feel torn up about wanting to dress femininely]

The internet has definitely been a release for me this year. I've even reached the point of joining a crossdressing forum and posting a couple of pics up there. Normally I'd be absolutely terrified of getting discovered but I'm at the point where I don't feel like I look obvious enough that most people will pick me out of a lineup, and those that would being on a crossdresser forum are probably already into it anyway. It was rather amusing getting hit on by a few onlookers regarding my legs. (If there's any part of my body I take pride of when dressing it's my long smooth legs)

I'm straight, or at least 91% straight all things considered, but for a guy who virtually NEVER got hit on my women getting hit on by a few people over some pics male or otherwise was a self-esteem booster. It makes me seriously consider posting some of my bondage pics, though I also want to be careful about doing that on only a like minded community. DA I'm not so sure about because I feel like more people might see them just lurking. Somewhere like here or similar would be more ideal but I'm still a bit apprehensive

With DA, you have to look for bondage pics, and being on there myself, it's a like-minded community. I've gotten a lot of support on there just as I have gotten here. Also, adding bondage to crossdressing makes you even less recognizable.

[illest]

The good thing about the internet is you find out that there's a whole community out there who're also just as interested into the topic as you are. Talking with others and hearing their experience and perspective really helps you to feel more comfortable with your interest in bondage, I'd say

@captured_prize I totally get you on the added shame of crossdressing on top of it! For the longest time I don't feel comfortable admitting that I do enjoy bondage as well as dressing up en femme, and on the occasions where I did either/both I would always feel great shame, and wished that I could just quit for good... [spoiler: I didn't!] Being in communities - bondage/bdsm, and gender nonconforming folks - have had help me to me more comfortable embracing these other sides of me. [as a side, I don't see it as 'just' crossdressing to me now - it's not as straightforward, but to not bore with the details let's just say I'm trans lol - but I'm always sympathetic and empathize with guys who feel torn up about wanting to dress femininely]

The internet has definitely been a release for me this year. I've even reached the point of joining a crossdressing forum and posting a couple of pics up there. Normally I'd be absolutely terrified of getting discovered but I'm at the point where I don't feel like I look obvious enough that most people will pick me out of a lineup, and those that would being on a crossdresser forum are probably already into it anyway. It was rather amusing getting hit on by a few onlookers regarding my legs. (If there's any part of my body I take pride of when dressing it's my long smooth legs)

I'm straight, or at least 91% straight all things considered, but for a guy who virtually NEVER got hit on my women getting hit on by a few people over some pics male or otherwise was a self-esteem booster. It makes me seriously consider posting some of my bondage pics, though I also want to be careful about doing that on only a like minded community. DA I'm not so sure about because I feel like more people might see them just lurking. Somewhere like here or similar would be more ideal but I'm still a bit apprehensive

With DA, you have to look for bondage pics, and being on there myself, it's a like-minded community. I've gotten a lot of support on there just as I have gotten here. Also, adding bondage to crossdressing makes you even less recognizable.

That gives me tons of motivation. BTW I added you to my watch list. I'm "hopeender" on DA. I do some amateur bondage and femdom art, and currently doing music for a upcoming game made by Sven called "Bondage Arena"(also on DA) I've posted a couple of AI drawn renditions of myself, but in the near future I may actually post a couple of actual pics of myself.

[mmmph]

I can relate. It feels like something secret when you're growing up, Then you get older, talk to people, and slowly realize it's *extremely* common, to varying degrees. Not everyone is into it like we are, but being turned on by restraints seems to be present in like 90% of people lol

[TuggyBoundMale]

I understand you 100%. It’s literally the same for me

[tiedinbluetights]

As other posters have shared, I can so very much relate.

As I mentioned in a for everyone true story of mine (and indicated in some posts and polls), I've been tying myself up since the age of 4 or 5. From that early age, up till about the age of 12/13, I even played tie-up games with cousins where I would beg them to keep me tied-up. Our parents were aware of these "cops and robber" games we used as pretext to tie each other up, but they seriously frowned upon them and encouraged us to play "real" games instead (team or individual competitive sports, or board games if whether outside was bad).

An older cousin of mine eventually stopped wanting to play tie-up games and around the age of 12/13 the feelings of shame for me started to kick in as well. I stopped playing tie-up games with cousins, but continued on doing self-bondage exclusively, until I met my wife who has become a loving and understanding partner/captor/key-holder.

During my exclusive self-bondage phase, shame and fear of being discovered in self-bondage constantly lowered my self-esteem. Bondage always felt as such an integral part of who I am, yet at the same time, it was (and to some extent still is) abundantly clear to me through societal messaging that it was not something "normal" adults ought to do.

Even today, having found like minded-communities, I would never dare share my love of bondage with anyone outside that community. And hence, while I enjoy my life, and my bondage experiences with dear wifey, I still occasionally feel shame that is fuelled by dread of close friends and neighbours finding out.

[DeeperThanRed]

I don't feel shame for enjoying bondage but I still wouldn't prefer my relatives/friends to learn about it.

It's mainly a kink for me - there's nothing to feel bad about it but it's still something to keep private.