Dilemma

[socky]

Hi there, folks. I have a question that's been on my mind for some time. I found your site some time ago, and after browsing it, I think you're the best qualified to help me.

I enjoy tug games, bondage just, in general. Nothing too kinky, nothing even bdsm, just some guys fooling around and tying each other up, friends gagging themselves with socks, lightly torturing one another, you know. I've never experienced it, but when searching videos and other media I've always been interested in guy-on-guy type of stuff and if I had the option of playing in such scenarios, my character makes me think I'd want to be the one being tied up and gagged. That's where my dilemma comes in:

I identify as straight. I've always pictured my future as one day finding the girl to start a family with and doing so. I've always flirted with girls, been in relationships with them and have both male and female friends. I'm not someone you could call overly masculine, maybe even lower than the average due to maybe my physical form leaning towards the skinnier side and not being a fan of most sports, however, that has never changed my outlook on life or on the future presented above. Still, my question stands: how can I be someone's boyfriend or one day someone's dad if I want, at least at this point in my life, to be 'dominated' in a bondage scenario by another guy? And I don't think I mean just being tied up, I mean the whole deal with sock sniffing and gagging, maybe even being made to wash his feet(?). I have no interest in being tied up by a girl and certainly wouldn't stand being dominated by one, nor do I search M/F media and in my non-bondage life, so my daily life, I don't stand being dominated by another guy, as in willingly accepting my position as inferior to him and I'm not the one to be ordered around.

All that being said, this wordy dilemma of mine still stands. I think the tltr version would be: I'm straight but want to be dominated by another guy only in a bondage setting. Any advice/ interpretation would help. Cheers!

[Tsuhaya]

Hey buddy! I get how all this can be complicated to understand, it took me some time to accept myself too. I'm a bisexual guy, but all my submissive and fetishistic side is tied to my "gay side". I have no interest or desire to practice BDSM or any fetish with women; in fact, my relationships with women have always been pretty vanilla. Someone's sexual orientation isn't always linked to the fetishes they have, and that's totally okay.

The important thing is for you to accept yourself and understand how your wants and desires work. For example, I chose to give more voice to my fetishistic side, so currently I look for relationships and encounters only with guys, as I feel more satisfied. Of course, your case is different, but it's important for you to think and explore, maybe practice your fetishes with guys while you're single.

Life is short, it's not worth missing out on what you want just to try to fit into a specific group. Be happy and do what you feel like doing.

[bondagefreak]

Welcome to the forum @socky!
Hope you decide to stick around and become a regular participant on here.

I can only mirror what my good buddy @Tsuhaya has already stated. There are tons of straight guys who wanna be dominated and made to feel truly helpless by other men. Has little (if anything at all) to do with one's sexual orientation. It's a question of control (or lack thereof) and powerplay. Nothing more. It's good to occasionally ponder your own desires but try not to overthink things.

Just go with the flow and feel free to be yourself. Everyone has their own little quirks.
Once again, welcome aboard!

[Boundngagged75]

Believe it or not, this is not uncommon. If you’re familiar with Fetlife, there is a group called Straight Men Tie Up by Gay Men that used to offer a lot of insight into why guys feel like this.

I also considered myself “mostly” straight in terms of what I look for in a relationship and attraction, but have always had a fascination with male bondage. Seeing a man bound and gagged and hearing that muffled moaning coming out of a male would absolutely make me melt, but I could never rationalize it because I was supposed to be straight (right!?). After my first bondage experience with another guy, I realized that it was more about the bondage itself for me and not so much the gender of my partner. Some guys actually bring a great dynamic to bondage that females just can’t

I would encourage you to stay open minded and I’m sure you won’t be disappointed

[socky]

Thanks for the replies, guys. They helped.
I think you're right about me overthinking the whole thing a bit. What has made the entire situation more difficult for me to comprehend is my desire for the dominated position; had I been into m/m bondage while being the one doing the tying, it might've been easier and faster for me to understand this dilemma, but I am the way that I am and I have the rationality in me to not try and falsely change myself. I'm still not completely at peace with the topic but for now, I'll listen to you and just go with the flow. I can't say that I'm going to actively pursue this interest, but I won't shut it down either, I'll just wait for opportunities to arise.

Tsuhaya, you are jacked, bro! And wise.
bondagefreak & Boundngagged75 you are wise and possibly jacked

[Kyle]

Yeah, this isn't entirely uncommon. Add me to the list of guys who has some interest in it. Though admittedly, my interest is more limited than M/F or F/M scenarios. But I got an early interest in getting captured, overpowered, tied up from childhood stories and TV shows, and usually those stories made sense with male captors (one way my interest is much more limited than the others: I have no interest in tying up another man, I always imagine myself the captive).

Not everything bondage-related is necessarily sexual.

[ColvinD]

I can only echo the replies above me, but I hope knowing that you’re not alone in this way of thinking provides you some comfort.
Personally, I’m straight but enjoy being tied up by either sex; just with a non sexual side in regards to being tied by guys. Similarly, I’ve spoken to straight guys who enjoy tying other guys up, with no sexual aspect to it.
Although, I’ve not yet been tied by another dude for similar reasons to yourself, I’m certainly open to the idea; it’s just a case of getting over that mental speed bump. Hopefully, practicing safely with the right tug partner will allow you to explore this side of yourself more freely (pun not intended)

[socky]

Thanks for the further comments, bros! I surely didn't think I stood alone in this dilemma, but I'd be lying if I said I expected many people to relate to it, much less respond! It's not something to be cured overnight, but who knows what forms remedies might take in my future; I'm a bit more open to them now.

@ColvinD I knew I recognised that name from somewhere... You're the guy with muscle on him and the self bondage photos wearing Converse! I stumbled upon your stuff some time back and really liked it! You're someone with experience and an open mind that gave me this impactful advice, I'd let you tie me up with less inhibition; I'd let all five of you guys tie me up more freely now actually.

[Terry]

I'm an asexual guy although only found out that I was asexual about 7-8 years ago after years of not knowing what my sexuality was. Anyway I've always been interested in only M/M tie ups and want to be tied up or at least dominated (being kept pinned down) by another guy.

[ColvinD]

Thanks for the further comments, bros! I surely didn't think I stood alone in this dilemma, but I'd be lying if I said I expected many people to relate to it, much less respond! It's not something to be cured overnight, but who knows what forms remedies might take in my future; I'm a bit more open to them now.

@ColvinD I knew I recognised that name from somewhere... You're the guy with muscle on him and the self bondage photos wearing Converse! I stumbled upon your stuff some time back and really liked it! You're someone with experience and an open mind that gave me this impactful advice, I'd let you tie me up with less inhibition; I'd let all five of you guys tie me up more freely now actually.

I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to let me get you in some ropes, perhaps we could take turns tying one another? Or find someone to dominate us both

[socky]

I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to let me get you in some ropes, perhaps we could take turns tying one another? Or find someone to dominate us both

Haha I'm open to both ideas. Now we need only that someone to dominate us both...

[tiengagu4]

I volunteer as tribute!

I mean...*straightens tie* sign me up to tie you both up for a while.

[Terry]

I volunteer as tribute!

I mean...*straightens tie* sign me up to tie you both up for a while.

Could you tie me up while you're at?

[tiengagu4]

Could you tie me up while you're at?
[/quote]

The more, the merrier! Who doesn't love a bondage party?

[ColvinD]

I volunteer as tribute!

I mean...*straightens tie* sign me up to tie you both up for a while.

I certainly look forward to this

[tiengagu4]

I've been fortunate to have had some practice tying a couple of guys together. More practice is always handy!

[Terry]

I've been fortunate to have had some practice tying a couple of guys together. More practice is always handy!

I'm actually more interested in being tied up separately rather than to another guy. But yeah, more practice is good. I need more practice also in being a captive lol.

Could you tie me up while you're at?

The more, the merrier! Who doesn't love a bondage party?
[/quote]

Indeed. Sounds fun.

[hogrig]

Are you on Fetlife? Can probably explore these feelings in more depth on there. There are a lot of reputable riggers and dom's on there, who I'm sure would show you the ropes in your area.

[Terry]

Are you on Fetlife? Can probably explore these feelings in more depth on there. There are a lot of reputable riggers and dom's on there, who I'm sure would show you the ropes in your area.

I am indeed on Fetlife but am having trouble seeking out specific individuals what have the same interests to me and in my location also and it doesn't really have much of a filter to look specifically for the people what I am looking for.

[Red86]

I definitely relate to most of this. Though for me, I identified as straight for years, only to realize I'm actually asexual because I have very little to no interest in sex. Though I do lean towards playing with guys with bondage.

For me, it's really only about the bondage itself, not the person's sex. I am a dom leaning switch but I personally feel as though I'm not dominating most of the time. I'm just giving them the experience of being tied up in a controlled and safe environment. I have zero problems tying someone and leaving them alone until either a set time or they signal they want to be released. But I do like tickling (especially when they are sensory deprived), breath play and I am open to teasing with wands. The wand thing is not something I necessarily want to do, it's more just so as I'm not fully limited in who I can play with. I'll also entertain subs who have a foot/sock fetish. Just won't allow it to be done to me if we've switched.

What I have come realize, is with kink or bondage, ones sexualy doesn't have to aline with any potentialplay partners. You can be straight and play with other straight guys. You can be straight and play with a bi or gay guy. As long as two or more consenting adults agree to play within agreed limits, screw the sexuality labels. Go have fun!

[Terry]

Nice to see there is another asexual here like myself. I, too, have no interest in sex but am only interested in M/M tie-ups. As a guy, only want to be tied up by other guys.

[MegaMega25]

I’ve also struggled myself with this topic for a long time so i appreciate you shedding a light to it. I’ve been a lurker for forever but your post inspired me to make an account. I am straight but also really just enjoy bondage in general. Unfortunately I’ve never had the opportunity to be tied up by anyone before which I think is what adds fuel to the fire of wanting to experience it.

A lot of people have said it already but maybe one day can all tie each other and get a good feel for it. This seems to be a good community

[blowthelights]

It's a constant self work about being comfortable and confident in who you are, and YES it is one of the hardest things to do.
Get it into your head. You aren't hurting anyone. You being "weird" means nothing, just accept yourself. You can be that and still fulfill your aspirations as a father and a husband of a woman.
Would it been easier for you if you were bisexual? Is the mental block is that it's considered "gay" by some raging homophobes? I mean you totally said it yourself why it isn't. And even if it is a little bit gay.
So what, majority of gays (like majority of population) are upstanding citizens.
I personally don't get it, but I don't get foot fetish either. But I know what is like to feel different so I can be emphatic toward anyone who has "weird" consensual hobbies. I don't find 60 year old women to be sexually attractive but still being tied up by one sounds fun so I kind of get what you are saying about it not being a sexual thing.
Don't be ashamed. I always keep in mind that I might be "weird" but I'm also a safe person. While I'm not out there sharing this hobby with the world, I'm not ashamed anymore.
I don't feel the same as you about anything you said but if we were friend, and I learnt that about you, I'd still be your friend.
If someone rejects you for that it's their problem, I know such a thing will be traumatic but alway try to get mentally there. While not all women will be accepting, you wouldn't believe how loving and accepting some of them are. Fight through the fear, because suppression is the worst thing. And since it is safe and consensual it isn't something that needs to be changed unlike unsafe and non consensual hobbies.

[illest]

It's a constant self work about being comfortable and confident in who you are, and YES it is one of the hardest things to do.
Get it into your head. You aren't hurting anyone. You being "weird" means nothing, just accept yourself. You can be that and still fulfill your aspirations as a father and a husband of a woman.
Would it been easier for you if you were bisexual? Is the mental block is that it's considered "gay" by some raging homophobes? I mean you totally said it yourself why it isn't. And even if it is a little bit gay.
So what, majority of gays (like majority of population) are upstanding citizens.
I personally don't get it, but I don't get foot fetish either. But I know what is like to feel different so I can be emphatic toward anyone who has "weird" consensual hobbies. I don't find 60 year old women to be sexually attractive but still being tied up by one sounds fun so I kind of get what you are saying about it not being a sexual thing.
Don't be ashamed. I always keep in mind that I might be "weird" but I'm also a safe person. While I'm not out there sharing this hobby with the world, I'm not ashamed anymore.
I don't feel the same as you about anything you said but if we were friend, and I learnt that about you, I'd still be your friend.
If someone rejects you for that it's their problem, I know such a thing will be traumatic but alway try to get mentally there. While not all women will be accepting, you wouldn't believe how loving and accepting some of them are. Fight through the fear, because suppression is the worst thing. And since it is safe and consensual it isn't something that needs to be changed unlike unsafe and non consensual hobbies.

I really like this post. One of the things I'm appreciating more about this community is that everyone has things that they're into that can be considered "weird" by normal standards. As such, even though there are certain "hard nos", in a general sense I feel we're much more accepting into other people's weirdness, even if some of it falls into stuff we ourselves aren't into. Sometimes just that aspect in itself does wonders for mental health. I feel that likewise I've grown myself to be more accepting of my own kinks, and as such being more understanding of others(at least of the safe, sane, and consensual variety).