Shame and bondage

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

Kinda wanted to explain myself a bit here and why I’ve deleted profiles and stuff. I guess, simply put, I get so into bondage in the way that I like it that I get embarrassed and ashamed that it, for lack of a better term, turns me on so much. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this, but my biggest fear is someone I know finding out how much I love being tied up. Can anyone relate? Would love to hear what others think.

[MrGags]

I can definitely relate. I love how taboo it is, and the thought of how embarrassed I'd be if I were in bondage against my will really turns me on. In fact all of my fantasies involve being tied up and gagged "against my will".

[Dpsiic]

@ShyTiedBoyReturns I can definitely relate to that. I grew up before videos, internet etc so I had no idea there was a whole community who felt like I I do. Grew up thinking I was a pervert. It took me five years to admit my love of bondage to my wife. Recently I sent some bondage stories I had written for a friend to a work colleague instead of some work information. Fortunately he realised it was not work related he didn’t read it and dumped it.

[kiwi]

Shame is an interesting topic to me in how it relates to my love for bondage…

Grew up seeing bondage in tv and knew I liked whatever this was, even if I couldn’t articulate why. There definitely was shame attached to it, cuz I just inherently understood other people I knew didn’t think this way.

As I’ve gotten older and gained more understanding and appreciation for bondage, my attitude around the shame associated with it has also changed. Now, theres still some level of shame/embarrassment that comes whenever I am tied up and helpless, but with my fiancé it takes on a new dynamic where I actually enjoy being teased about being embarrassed/having that shame.

I guess it opened up another level of emotional (and physical technically I guess) vulnerability that makes our bondage sessions that much more fun now

[captured_prize]

I relate to this very well. For me I also have the added stigma of crossdressing on top of that. But you know what, I like what I like and it does not hurt anyone. Don't deny this side of you, embrace it, otherwise you will just be miserable. It's good you decided to get back on the site. Remember, we're all here to share our love of bondage and support each other.

[NR47]

I can relate also. I started doing self bondage at maybe age 11. This was before internet and my only exposure was when I saw someone tied up on tv. I've always had an interest in tying up women and being tied by them. I remember when internet finally got going where I grew up, we had to use it at school or the public library. Still remember the embarrassment I felt when I was in the library using a computer and I turned around to see this angry old librarian looking at me in shock and horror, and on the screen in front of me was a woman in a tight dress bound with a ball gag in her mouth. As a teenager growing up in a conservative rural area I pretty much always felt like I was messed up. But little by little I began to realize that even some people I knew were into it. My parents were divorced and when I went to visit my dad I was looking for his stash of cigarettes and instead found rope and bandanas he had under the bed for playing with his girlfriend at the time. My girlfriend showed an unusual amount of interest in some toy handcuffs we'd bought at a fair which later turned into a great source of enjoyment for us. Over the years I've read so many articles on psychology and have realized that its an incredibly common fetish, and have met quite a few seemingly average people who are into it. But unfortunately in the areas where I've lived (Eastern Europe and the Midwestern United States) it's still seen for the most part as something wrong or taboo, so I only talk about it with my wife and a couple other people. I don't need anyone judging me about what I do in private. But I'm glad I was able to get rid of those feelings of shame imposed on me by the surrounding culture and very lucky to find a woman who enjoys bondage as much as I do.

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

I can definitely relate. I love how taboo it is, and the thought of how embarrassed I'd be if I were in bondage against my will really turns me on. In fact all of my fantasies involve being tied up and gagged "against my will".

Haha I imagine those scenarios sometimes too! Being helpless and exposed is definitely arousing!

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

@ShyTiedBoyReturns I can definitely relate to that. I grew up before videos, internet etc so I had no idea there was a whole community who felt like I I do. Grew up thinking I was a pervert. It took me five years to admit my love of bondage to my wife. Recently I sent some bondage stories I had written for a friend to a work colleague instead of some work information. Fortunately he realised it was not work related he didn’t read it and dumped it.

Oh wow, never thought about that perspective honestly. And I would have been freaking out if I sent bondage stuff to someone from work! Glad you dodged a bullet there (unless he was into it too haha)!

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

Shame is an interesting topic to me in how it relates to my love for bondage…

Grew up seeing bondage in tv and knew I liked whatever this was, even if I couldn’t articulate why. There definitely was shame attached to it, cuz I just inherently understood other people I knew didn’t think this way.

As I’ve gotten older and gained more understanding and appreciation for bondage, my attitude around the shame associated with it has also changed. Now, theres still some level of shame/embarrassment that comes whenever I am tied up and helpless, but with my fiancé it takes on a new dynamic where I actually enjoy being teased about being embarrassed/having that shame.

I guess it opened up another level of emotional (and physical technically I guess) vulnerability that makes our bondage sessions that much more fun now

Yeah I totally get that and felt the same way up until recently! Congratulations on finding a partner who not only accepts your kink but adds to your enjoyment! Hope to find the right girl one day who can do the same for me!

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

I relate to this very well. For me I also have the added stigma of crossdressing on top of that. But you know what, I like what I like and it does not hurt anyone. Don't deny this side of you, embrace it, otherwise you will just be miserable. It's good you decided to get back on the site. Remember, we're all here to share our love of bondage and support each other.

Yeah I’ve been learning that lately, even if it’s taken posting a bunch of stuff on DA and lots of messages I’m definitely becoming more comfortable with this side of me as an adult. And the more I become a part of the bondage community, the more I realize that there was no reason to be embarrassed all those years growing up!

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

I can relate also. I started doing self bondage at maybe age 11. This was before internet and my only exposure was when I saw someone tied up on tv. I've always had an interest in tying up women and being tied by them. I remember when internet finally got going where I grew up, we had to use it at school or the public library. Still remember the embarrassment I felt when I was in the library using a computer and I turned around to see this angry old librarian looking at me in shock and horror, and on the screen in front of me was a woman in a tight dress bound with a ball gag in her mouth. As a teenager growing up in a conservative rural area I pretty much always felt like I was messed up. But little by little I began to realize that even some people I knew were into it. My parents were divorced and when I went to visit my dad I was looking for his stash of cigarettes and instead found rope and bandanas he had under the bed for playing with his girlfriend at the time. My girlfriend showed an unusual amount of interest in some toy handcuffs we'd bought at a fair which later turned into a great source of enjoyment for us. Over the years I've read so many articles on psychology and have realized that its an incredibly common fetish, and have met quite a few seemingly average people who are into it. But unfortunately in the areas where I've lived (Eastern Europe and the Midwestern United States) it's still seen for the most part as something wrong or taboo, so I only talk about it with my wife and a couple other people. I don't need anyone judging me about what I do in private. But I'm glad I was able to get rid of those feelings of shame imposed on me by the surrounding culture and very lucky to find a woman who enjoys bondage as much as I do.

Thanks for sharing your story! I was around that age when I started too! Thankfully I’ve never had problems expressing my love for tying up women and have had some fun experiences, but the submissive side has always been harder to embrace. Still, I’ve become a lot more comfortable realizing it was mainly in my own head and it’s not like I need to go tell everyone I know about it anyways lmao.

[captured_prize]

I relate to this very well. For me I also have the added stigma of crossdressing on top of that. But you know what, I like what I like and it does not hurt anyone. Don't deny this side of you, embrace it, otherwise you will just be miserable. It's good you decided to get back on the site. Remember, we're all here to share our love of bondage and support each other.

Yeah I’ve been learning that lately, even if it’s taken posting a bunch of stuff on DA and lots of messages I’m definitely becoming more comfortable with this side of me as an adult. And the more I become a part of the bondage community, the more I realize that there was no reason to be embarrassed all those years growing up!

I'm glad to hear that. Our kinks and fetishes is what makes us unique afterall!

[TasteTheSun]

Been reading this thread and just wanted to say I'm so freakin happy for you all nobody should feel ashamed of being who they are

Except PC players, they're all snobs

Jk jk lol

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

Been reading this thread and just wanted to say I'm so freakin happy for you all nobody should feel ashamed of being who they are

Except PC players, they're all snobs

Jk jk lol

As a former gamer myself, I couldn’t agree with you more lmao

[shyguy92]

Been reading this thread and just wanted to say I'm so freakin happy for you all nobody should feel ashamed of being who they are

Except PC players, they're all snobs

Jk jk lol

SNOBS, you say?
Only because we're surrounded by peasants, you know...

[TasteTheSun]

Been reading this thread and just wanted to say I'm so freakin happy for you all nobody should feel ashamed of being who they are

Except PC players, they're all snobs

Jk jk lol

SNOBS, you say?
Only because we're surrounded by peasants, you know...

SNOBS I say!

Well maybe I'm proud to be a peasant, so

[meacham6]

Liking bondage is a sexual fetish, and sex is naturally associated with shame for everyone. As people grow up, they get more comfortable with their sexuality and understanding that it's pretty common, and it's not really in their control what they're into.

[ShyTiedBoyReturns]

Liking bondage is a sexual fetish, and sex is naturally associated with shame for everyone. As people grow up, they get more comfortable with their sexuality and understanding that it's pretty common, and it's not really in their control what they're into.

Yeah haha, I’ve started to become more comfortable lately

[Racer]

I think it’s very normal feeling ashamed having a sexual fetish like being tied up or what ever the fetish contains. My wife and I live in a hotwife/cuckold relationship, where I as a cuck often is being tied up and gagged by my wife or the bull. We enjoy this game, but only a few friends know about it, because we feel ashamed. If we tell friends or family about this game, they will think we, and especially I are totally crazy.

[mserika]

The good thing about the internet is you find out that there's a whole community out there who're also just as interested into the topic as you are. Talking with others and hearing their experience and perspective really helps you to feel more comfortable with your interest in bondage, I'd say

@captured_prize I totally get you on the added shame of crossdressing on top of it! For the longest time I don't feel comfortable admitting that I do enjoy bondage as well as dressing up en femme, and on the occasions where I did either/both I would always feel great shame, and wished that I could just quit for good... [spoiler: I didn't!] Being in communities - bondage/bdsm, and gender nonconforming folks - have had help me to me more comfortable embracing these other sides of me. [as a side, I don't see it as 'just' crossdressing to me now - it's not as straightforward, but to not bore with the details let's just say I'm trans lol - but I'm always sympathetic and empathize with guys who feel torn up about wanting to dress femininely]

[Racer]

Another thought about feeling ashamed is, that I many years ago was tied up against my will, and now after many years this experience turns me on
Back then when it happened it was not fun or arousing at all, but now I feel something about it. All of my friends and family know about what happened then, but nobody knows that it actually turns me on. I’ll feel so ashamed admitting this!

[Jeffpa1967]

I've never told anything about my fetishes without them bringing it up first. I always felt I had 3 things that I always thought were against me
First I wanted to be tied up.
Second I'm bi-sexual
Third I like crossdressing.
Wanting to be dressed as a girl and tied up by another man? Yeah, I wasn't telling anyone that.
Plus this was pre-internet. There was no place to find information or find people like me.
I lucked out. I met John (that ongoing story is on the board) and he made me realize that it was okay to be BI and want to be tied.
I lucked out again later and reconnected with a childhood friend named Tim (my next story after I finish with my time with John) who showed me it was okay to crossdress and be tied up.
I still fear telling people but I no longer feel shame that something is wrong with me. I am who I am, I don't hurt anyone with my fetishes, I don't judge anybody else's likes, I just be me.
I am thankful for this board/forum. I've gotten to talk to some great people, was introduced to RP which I love and I feel a little more comfortable with myself.
Damn I sound preachy. Sorry.

[Niceandtight31]

Definitely not alone there,as someone who gets turned on by bondage more than anything I feel pretty ashamed of my desires and fantasies,especially my submissive desires....though I do understand that plenty of people have similar thoughts/desires and I do accept that it's a part of me,but I do feel like that shame will always be there under the surface

[shellynknots]

Lovely to hear everyones thoughts on this.

Personally this is something I still really wrestle with.

Great to hear others being so open on this.

[40 plus denier]

I was chatting to another member and said I've never discussed tie ups with friends. However, I feel at ease on this site, and it made me start contributing stories.