He came over one day for dinner, and afterwards we began talking. After some awkward initial conversation, he told me that he has gender dysphoria—and has ever since he was a teenager—and is thinking about the possibility of transitioning in the next year or so. Now, I’ve known him for the better part of 20 years, and this was completely new to me. Obviously, this wasn’t easy for him to tell me, and it’s been a major stressor for him, especially given what it would mean for his immediate family.
Now, I’m not a therapist, and I’m in no way, shape, or form qualified to speak to his issue from a psychological perspective (which I let him know!), but I certainly empathize with him (on some level, but certainly in a different way) given my identify in kink. With that said, and after him sharing quite a bit more detail concerning how long he’s felt this way, his shame, and as well as desire to try to understand the why behind it all, I decided to open up about my kink to him as well.
This started an entirely new new conversation, and the discussion took on a whole new kind of atmosphere! Again, my whole point here was to “level the playing fieldâ€â€”for lack of a better phrase. I might not be able to give any great advice on his current situation (and that’s not really what he was after, either)—but at least I could show that I’m not at all normal either (and quite proud of it)—so, you’re completely safe in talking to me.
I told him about my love for bondage, and how I also “discovered†this aspect of my identity (which is foundational to me and a core part of who I am) well before my teenage years. I also let him know that in recent years, I’ve gotten into other things (not sure if I would go so far as to call them “kinksâ€) like wearing sports bras and panties on a regular basis. I think I’ve posted about that before—but for me, I just like the way they feel and how I look in them. We then had quite the discussion on where to shop, what materials are best, and he offered some additional pointers and tips on the subject. So, in summary, he started the conversation nervously anticipating my response to his opening up, and ended by giving me advice on what bras to wear. Life can be weird that way.
It was a really interesting conversation, and very much relaxed. In talking to him later…that certainly wasn’t how he envisioned the conversation going. And since that time, we’ve had several more related discussions, and it’s opened up a whole new level concerning our friendship. We’ve known each other for almost two decades and are just finding this out about each other. This also goes to show that…no matter how “normal†(whatever that means) you think a person is…I would bet that most people are hiding deep secrets and are really anything but normal!
Any thoughts or other perspectives on this situation are appreciated! Also, I’m curious if anyone else has experienced a similar situation. Have you shared your kink with someone and they shared something back with you? Or were you on the other end of the conversation (like me)?
