Spanking in Bondage

[NR47]

Who else here has a huge spanking fetish? It's something I enjoy very much during bondage sessions, both giving and receiving.

[BlissfulMisery]

That would be me! With hand or various implements - they each have their unique purposes/feels/advantages depending on what one is looking for in the moment

And yes, very much agree that there are lots of fun ways to combine it with bondage.

[NR47]

That would be me! With hand or various implements - they each have their unique purposes/feels/advantages depending on what one is looking for in the moment

And yes, very much agree that there are lots of fun ways to combine it with bondage.

I agree completely that different methods can be interesting depending on the situation.

[Redman]

I share this kink. Spanking has been an element in my sesions for a long while.

[ExcessivelyCurious]

I've tried spanking from both ends and I do enjoy it, at least to some extent; my own pain tolerance isn't incredible and I always worry about being too hard with someone else. Conversely, there are some people out there who can get pretty extreme with it, which isn't my style.

[HerNameJulia12]

Honestly its one of my main fetishes alongside bondage, a session isn’t complete without a little spanking

[NR47]

I've tried spanking from both ends and I do enjoy it, at least to some extent; my own pain tolerance isn't incredible and I always worry about being too hard with someone else. Conversely, there are some people out there who can get pretty extreme with it, which isn't my style.

I dated a girl once who liked to be spanked seriously hard, like so it left a mark afterwards. I was definitely not comfortable with that! As long as it's just for fun and nothing too hard I enjoy it.

[Nexus]

Definitely enjoy administering a good spanking. Though honestly I’m a fan of any torment that makes my damsels squirm.

[BlissfulMisery]

I've tried spanking from both ends and I do enjoy it, at least to some extent; my own pain tolerance isn't incredible and I always worry about being too hard with someone else. Conversely, there are some people out there who can get pretty extreme with it, which isn't my style.

I dated a girl once who liked to be spanked seriously hard, like so it left a mark afterwards. I was definitely not comfortable with that! As long as it's just for fun and nothing too hard I enjoy it.

Certainly nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with taking it further then you would like - obviously anything like this should be for the sake of both parties (at least on some level). However I have often seen this sort of sentiment mixed with confusion or disbelief, so to try to explain why someone would want such a thing... (not aimed at either of you or anyone else in particular)

Well the most concise way to put it would probably be that there is catharsis in having a good cry. Going through/'surviving' a difficult and intense experience brings out a lot of powerful and complicated emotions (which is a big reason why aftercare is so important!) And having it leave lasting marks can help amplify/extend the experience, having a literal physical imprint left of what you have gone through to add to the lingering sensations.

To draw a comparison to something more common, imagine the experience of winning a challenging competitive event, and the thrill/euphoria you might feel after. Or consider the experience of doing something potentially dangerous like skydiving or bungee-jumping. A somewhat unflattering way to put it might be that desiring harsh spankings is just another form of 'adrenaline junkie' behavior

Point is, liking intense/painful punishments is really not as strange as people sometimes make it out to be, even if it is not for everyone. But I will get off my hobby horse now

It actually does hurt quite a bit, but that aspect, along with the bondage, really puts me mentally in the role of the submissive, and I quite enjoy that despite the fact I'm twice her size, she has all the control in that moment.

*Definitely* agree that spankings deepen/amplify submissive feelings in a wonderful way - lighter punishments are amazing for setting the mood/tone of a scene!

Definitely enjoy administering a good spanking. Though honestly I’m a fan of any torment that makes my damsels squirm.

Sounds like the right kind of 'mean'

[Lost_the_keys]

I don’t think I’ve tied a girl up who didn’t love a good spanking as well.

[NR47]

I've tried spanking from both ends and I do enjoy it, at least to some extent; my own pain tolerance isn't incredible and I always worry about being too hard with someone else. Conversely, there are some people out there who can get pretty extreme with it, which isn't my style.

I dated a girl once who liked to be spanked seriously hard, like so it left a mark afterwards. I was definitely not comfortable with that! As long as it's just for fun and nothing too hard I enjoy it.

Certainly nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with taking it further then you would like - obviously anything like this should be for the sake of both parties (at least on some level). However I have often seen this sort of sentiment mixed with confusion or disbelief, so to try to explain why someone would want such a thing... (not aimed at either of you or anyone else in particular)

Well the most concise way to put it would probably be that there is catharsis in having a good cry. Going through/'surviving' a difficult and intense experience brings out a lot of powerful and complicated emotions (which is a big reason why aftercare is so important!) And having it leave lasting marks can help amplify/extend the experience, having a literal physical imprint left of what you have gone through to add to the lingering sensations.

To draw a comparison to something more common, imagine the experience of winning a challenging competitive event, and the thrill/euphoria you might feel after. Or consider the experience of doing something potentially dangerous like skydiving or bungee-jumping. A somewhat unflattering way to put it might be that desiring harsh spankings is just another form of 'adrenaline junkie' behavior

Point is, liking intense/painful punishments is really not as strange as people sometimes make it out to be, even if it is not for everyone. But I will get off my hobby horse now

It actually does hurt quite a bit, but that aspect, along with the bondage, really puts me mentally in the role of the submissive, and I quite enjoy that despite the fact I'm twice her size, she has all the control in that moment.

*Definitely* agree that spankings deepen/amplify submissive feelings in a wonderful way - lighter punishments are amazing for setting the mood/tone of a scene!

Definitely enjoy administering a good spanking. Though honestly I’m a fan of any torment that makes my damsels squirm.

Sounds like the right kind of 'mean'

Interesting thoughts) If we're talking about the psychological reasons behind a desire for harsh punishment, the girl I mentioned had a recurring dream for several years, she said she was kneeling on the floor nude and a man would come in with a belt and beat her savagely, and also slap her face, which I would never do despite her request for it. The girl was from China, I met her when I was working in Ukraine years ago. At the time they still taught Russian language in the universities and she had come there to study to become a Russian language translator, and to me it was interesting that even despite the fact she had grown up quite isolated from the world of internet porn and anything fetish in general, she still had many of the same desires for such things that are so common to us who have grown up exposed to it.

[BlissfulMisery]

and to me it was interesting that even despite the fact she had grown up quite isolated from the world of internet porn and anything fetish in general, she still had many of the same desires for such things that are so common to us who have grown up exposed to it.

Do not see why this would matter. While it varies for each person, it is not uncommon for kinks to start developing when extremely young, far before any exposure to porn (and these nascent thoughts/desires are nearly always completely non-sexual in nature at that age).

In fact I would argue that the relationship primarily goes the other way - ie that pornography is produced to fulfill existing desires. While I am sure examples of pornography influencing someones kinks exist, I do not think fetish porn is the reason for most peoples interest in such things (and the massive 'increase' in people identifying as kinky over the past decades can be almost entirely attributed to diminishing taboos about the subject, ie people simply being more comfortable admitting it, even to themselves). I do not have proof of this of course, but it seems more plausible then everyone suddenly becoming more deviant (I mean the word in a neutral way).

To bring it back around to the actual topic: when it comes to spanking, I would attribute the prevalence of the kink to how pervasive spanking has been in popular culture in the past decades. It was not very long ago where a husband spanking a wife was considered socially acceptable in many places, and corporal punishment for children even in schools has again only recently been widely banned (of course this varies based on where you live). Even children who were not spanked had heard about it happening, or had seen it in cartoons or movies (which often depict(ed) it in a joking fashion). And when you are exposed to the idea of something potentially happening to you that is scary, painful, and humiliating (yet treated as light-hearted in some contexts), it is not uncommon to ruminate on the matter, as a sort of psychological preparation in-case it happens to you.

And I suspect this is where at least some kinks are born from - this rumination turning into a bit of an obsession, or even fascination with going through the experience as it starts to take on a more and more emotionally charged nature.

the girl I mentioned had a recurring dream for several years, she said she was kneeling on the floor nude and a man would come in with a belt and beat her savagely, and also slap her face, which I would never do despite her request for it.

Wrapping it back around to this example you gave, to put it bluntly, being 'afraid of men hurting you' is a pretty common experience for women... And with that in mind, it does not seem so odd that sometimes this can get a bit twisted around on itself into a strong desire for a controlled version of the experience as a way to calm/conquer the associated anxiety/fear. Taking back the power in the situation, as it were (and yes this touches on some of the inherent paradoxes of submission but I will not go into that here for length reasons).

Apologies if all this was hard to follow, as it is difficult to put into words, but I hope the general point(s) is/are clear enough. And of course I am not trying to speak against or diminish anyones individual experiences by claiming anything is only one way - while looking at trends/patterns can be insightful, individual people do not usually fit perfectly into them

[NR47]

and to me it was interesting that even despite the fact she had grown up quite isolated from the world of internet porn and anything fetish in general, she still had many of the same desires for such things that are so common to us who have grown up exposed to it.

Do not see why this would matter. While it varies for each person, it is not uncommon for kinks to start developing when extremely young, far before any exposure to porn (and these nascent thoughts/desires are nearly always completely non-sexual in nature at that age).

In fact I would argue that the relationship primarily goes the other way - ie that pornography is produced to fulfill existing desires. While I am sure examples of pornography influencing someones kinks exist, I do not think fetish porn is the reason for most peoples interest in such things (and the massive 'increase' in people identifying as kinky over the past decades can be almost entirely attributed to diminishing taboos about the subject, ie people simply being more comfortable admitting it, even to themselves). I do not have proof of this of course, but it seems more plausible then everyone suddenly becoming more deviant (I mean the word in a neutral way).

To bring it back around to the actual topic: when it comes to spanking, I would attribute the prevalence of the kink to how pervasive spanking has been in popular culture in the past decades. It was not very long ago where a husband spanking a wife was considered socially acceptable in many places, and corporal punishment for children even in schools has again only recently been widely banned (of course this varies based on where you live). Even children who were not spanked had heard about it happening, or had seen it in cartoons or movies (which often depict(ed) it in a joking fashion). And when you are exposed to the idea of something potentially happening to you that is scary, painful, and humiliating (yet treated as light-hearted in some contexts), it is not uncommon to ruminate on the matter, as a sort of psychological preparation in-case it happens to you.

And I suspect this is where at least some kinks are born from - this rumination turning into a bit of an obsession, or even fascination with going through the experience as it starts to take on a more and more emotionally charged nature.

the girl I mentioned had a recurring dream for several years, she said she was kneeling on the floor nude and a man would come in with a belt and beat her savagely, and also slap her face, which I would never do despite her request for it.

Wrapping it back around to this example you gave, to put it bluntly, being 'afraid of men hurting you' is a pretty common experience for women... And with that in mind, it does not seem so odd that sometimes this can get a bit twisted around on itself into a strong desire for a controlled version of the experience as a way to calm/conquer the associated anxiety/fear. Taking back the power in the situation, as it were (and yes this touches on some of the inherent paradoxes of submission but I will not go into that here for length reasons).

Apologies if all this was hard to follow, as it is difficult to put into words, but I hope the general point(s) is/are clear enough. And of course I am not trying to speak against or diminish anyones individual experiences by claiming anything is only one way - while looking at trends/patterns can be insightful, individual people do not usually fit perfectly into them

I agree that certainly in western society it has become more acceptable to admit an interest in certain fetishes which would have been taboo even a couple generations ago, and we of course benefit greatly from such social changes. I would like to mention however the current trend in pornography which is concerning to me, that recent studies have shown may contribute to the psychosexual development of individuals. Here is one article from the International Academy of Sex Research:

"For decades, scholars and public health officials have been concerned with the depictions of sexual aggression in pornography, especially when acts of aggression are depicted with no consequences. Social cognitive theory suggests behaviors that are rewarded are more likely to be learned by consumers while those punished are less likely to be learned. To date, however, there has not been a large-scale content analysis to provide researchers with the baseline knowledge of the amount of sexual aggression in online pornography nor have previous content analyses examined the reactions of the targets of sexual aggression. This study of 4009 heterosexual scenes from two major free pornographic tube sites (Pornhub and Xvideos) sought to provide this baseline. Overall, 45% of Pornhub scenes included at least one act of physical aggression, while 35% of scenes from Xvideos contained aggression. Spanking, gagging, slapping, hair pulling, and choking were the five most common forms of physical aggression. Women were the target of the aggression in 97% of the scenes, and their response to aggression was either neutral or positive and rarely negative. Men were the perpetrators of aggression against women in 76% of scenes. Finally, examining the 10 most populous categories, the Amateur and Teen categories in Xvideos and the Amateur category in Pornhub had significantly less aggression, while the Xvideos Hardcore category had significantly more physical aggression against women. This study suggests aggression is common against women in online pornography, while repercussions to this aggression are rarely portrayed.



Relevance
“The current study found that physical aggression was substantially more common in online pornographic videos than verbal aggression. Although this study did not record the content of every insult, many insults were gender-specific, such as calling a woman a “bitch” or “slut.”

“..more extreme aggression such as mutilating, kicking, punching, or using a weapon occurred relatively infrequently across the videos in the sample. [But, Culture Reframed notes, they did occur.] While “extreme” types of aggression were rare, the greater prevalence of milder versions of aggression such as spanking suggests to viewers that such acts are normative without explicit verbal consent as part of sexual behavior.”

“The findings indicate women’s response to both physical and verbal aggression is overwhelmingly positive or neutral, demonstrating either explicit or implicit affirmations of pleasure…it is problematic if women respond to aggression appetitively, or by displaying no reaction at all…If the only responses seen when women are the target of aggression are pleasure or non-response, male viewers may assume women either enjoy aggression or that their feelings or feedback regarding aggression is simply not important. This may normalize a script of a woman’s body as an object or recipient of aggression. Women may also learn that they are supposed to experience pleasure with aggression or that they should ignore any discomfort they do experience and give a neutral response. This general lack of displeasure by women in response to seemingly unpleasant occurrences in pornography implies they should enjoy all sexual behaviors enacted upon them.”

“This study suggests that a significant portion of pornography contains depictions of aggression against women with no negative responses from targets; this may lead to the development
among consumers of a sexual script that encourages the learning of aggression against women.”

I think most of us here agree that the fetishes we enjoy should always be in the realm of "safe, sane, and consensual", however it seems to me that the vast majority of pornography out there that depicts the fetishes we enjoy disregards these principles, and may be quite a negative influence on sexual development. Where those of us who became interested in fetish before the age of the internet were often influenced by softcore depictions in mainstream movies, cartoons, and comics, today's youth often get their inspiration from material produced by an industry far more concerned with making money than the mental well being of it's consumers. One psychologist remarked that the porn industry is today what the tobacco industry was 50 years ago. To me it's very important that a deep respect and love for our sexual partners remain the main focus in our relationships, and that our fetishes be integrated into those relationships, without ever being a threat to their well-being. I for one have tried to limit myself to enjoyment of pornography, fetish or otherwise, that only promotes safe, healthy, and consensual relationships between real couples.

[BlissfulMisery]

Social cognitive theory suggests behaviors that are rewarded are more likely to be learned by consumers while those punished are less likely to be learned.

Quoting this part specifically, but in general this study has a large caveat (at least the parts you mention, I have not read the original) - it only looks at the prevalence of such violence in pornography, and the reactions, while simply *assuming* (or at least hinting at assuming) the knock-on effects without any proof or cause.

While this might seem intuitive, remember that there exist counter-examples, one obvious (and similar) one being the general prevalence of violence in popular media (and video games as well, which also commonly feature the player directly participating in violence, therefore removing a layer of abstraction). And despite the growing saturation of such media throughout society, there has not been a corresponding rise in murders or assaults - in fact these have gone down (depends on where exactly you live/look at, but this is the general trend).

And in the same manner as the study asserts about pornography, in a lot of this kind of media, violence is also rewarded - many protagonists are depicted/framed as heroic for engaging in violence, and usually achieve their goals in this manner (and this is commonly depicted as purely positive/justified). In games that feature violence this is even more clear cut, where the player usually cannot achieve whatever goals the game sets/win in any other manner, creating a very direct incentive and psychological reward loop.

So on a surface level, if watching violent porn makes someone more likely to be violent during sex, it would stand to reason all the same things would apply to watching a violent movie or playing a violent game where the hero defeats or kills their enemies and wins the day. Yet we have not seen such a result play out in reality, which casts serious doubt on the initial assumption, and hints at the fact that people are indeed capable of differentiating between what is acceptable in fantasy versus reality.

To be clear, not saying that there is no problem at all, nor am I trying to dismiss the general point. I do agree that it does seem like this sort of thing is becoming more prevalent without much regard for potential consequences. But I also think we should be careful to avoid devolving into pearl-clutching over perceived immorality, or having any sort of knee-jerk reactions based on incomplete information.

today's youth often get their inspiration from material produced by an industry far more concerned with making money than the mental well being of it's consumers.

Ahh yes the old 'youngins these days'

Mostly poking fun with that statement, but I would caution against assuming that youth are unable to think for themselves - while this attitude comes from a well-meaning place, I think we should be careful to not infantilize. While I do not disagree that there is a fine line to be walked, at least some exposure to 'problematic' media can be beneficial to help develop cognitive, analytical, and even social skills.

As a basic example, should we ban all depictions of abusive behavior from media, because someone might look at it and see it as an example to follow? On paper that might sound like a good idea, but then consider the fact that doing so reduces the ability of potential victims to educate themselves on the warning signs, or third parties to learn about how an abusive relationship can often look very different from the outside versus the inside, and reduce their ability to assist victims.

Point is, it is a bit more complicated then 'let us just remove all the bad things from media'*. Reality is more nuanced then simple black and white, and I would argue it would be a disservice to try to pretend otherwise in the media we create.

*I know you were not trying to imply this in anything you said, my point in this whole section is aimed generally rather then a direct rebuttal.

To me it's very important that a deep respect and love for our sexual partners remain the main focus in our relationships, and that our fetishes be integrated into those relationships, without ever being a threat to their well-being. I for one have tried to limit myself to enjoyment of pornography, fetish or otherwise, that only promotes safe, healthy, and consensual relationships between real couples.

Certainly agree with this. To me kink play is all about 'playing off one another' as it were (hard to put into words). The push and pull, the 'dance' of it all is the main attraction - the acts themselves lose most of their meaning without this, and this pretty much requires love and respect for each other, or it just does not work/feel the same. I suppose this gives me a blind spot on the subject we have ended up falling into discussing, because this is also the reason I personally stay away from pornography - I have always found it to be sterile and 'fake', since it often lacks this element (nothing wrong with others enjoying things of course, but a case of 'not for me').

And also completely agree with your earlier point that it is unfortunately a little too common for any sort of kink media (and often even just discussions about it) to showcase unsafe or questionable practices as completely normal. Certainly something that could be improved going forward, but a bit of an obvious statement there

-

Appreciate the discussion by the way, even if it might seem like I am being overly critical. Simply in my nature to 'pick at things', as it were. As mentioned, I do broadly agree with pretty much everything you have said. More I could add on pretty much all of the points brought up, but I think this post is already *far* too long as-is

[TaeTies]

Not that I to being spanked but I certainly enjoy doing it.

[AlexUSA3]

As a person who holds a Ph.D. in a very different field, I've learned that all studies can be (1) willfully wrong, (2) innocently incorrect, and (3) accurate only in terms of what is available at the time. Correlation does not equal causation (to fabricate a silly example, finding more wasp nests in parts of Africa where elephants are less commonly found does not mean that wasps prey upon elephants). My late advisor always had a slide at some point in his classes that reminded his students of Mark Twain's famous remark that there are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

The correlation between violent porn and violent is correct, but there is a caveat... this is what happens when you feed violent porn to people who already have problems with (1) self-control, (2) respecting others, or (3) both, among other factors. When we try to compartmentalize any process that involves sentient beings, but especially people above all other sentient beings, things become very difficult.

TL;DR
Not all people are aroused by the same things. Everyone's unique.

Spanking is chef's kiss in my opinion, but obviously different styles of spanking work best in different scenes.

[KidnappedCowboy]

Love a firm hand of a man who can handle a rope and exact discipline, who will never intentionally harm another. In other words, a man who is stern but never cruel.

[sami200456boyfriend]

Only if their a bad boy.

[bondagefreak]

Not a huge fetish for me, per se, but I do enjoy administering a good spanking every now and then.
Being called "Daddy" tends to get me in the mood. That goes for both men and women.

Though it's not one of my usual tropes, I've featured spanking in my written tales on at least two separate occasions.

[tiedinbluetights]

A fascinating question and reading through all the comments, I think I've learned something about myself and my masochistic leanings. I would not say that I have a huge spanking fetish. Getting spanked while not being tied up has zero appeal to me. Spanking someone, whether tied-up or not, even less so. But what has me responding is that I can see myself enjoying a good spanking either way: there is a certain level of intimacy between 'spanker' and 'spankee' especially if no implements are used other than one's bare hands. And it seems to me that there is a certain amount of pain endured by the giver of the spanks as well; it is not just about the receiver of the spanks.

That said, I do enjoy some amount of percussive play once i'm securely tied-up and unable to even squirm away; my wife has used her riding crop on me more than once, as she prefers it to using her hand directly (but we much prefer other types of fun 'torments' when I'm bound).

[NR47]

A fascinating question and reading through all the comments, I think I've learned something about myself and my masochistic leanings. I would not say that I have a huge spanking fetish. Getting spanked while not being tied up has zero appeal to me. Spanking someone, whether tied-up or not, even less so. But what has me responding is that I can see myself enjoying a good spanking either way: there is a certain level of intimacy between 'spanker' and 'spankee' especially if no implements are used other than one's bare hands. And it seems to me that there is a certain amount of pain endured by the giver of the spanks as well; it is not just about the receiver of the spanks.

That said, I do enjoy some amount of percussive play once i'm securely tied-up and unable to even squirm away; my wife has used her riding crop on me more than once, as she prefers it to using her hand directly (but we much prefer other types of fun 'torments' when I'm bound).

Yeah for me it's more about the connection with a partner, rather than the actual spanking. It just seems to intensify the feeling of submission, whether I'm the one spanking or being spanked. If I try to understand the psychological side of it, I think it has something to do with the fact that I was occasionally spanked as a child. Whether that's morally wrong or not, for me there is some deep sense of comfort and safety connected with it, if that makes any sense at all.

[bindable]

It seems to me that there's two kinds of this activity combo: spanks to enhance a bondage session, and bondage to facilitate a spanking.


Re. the former, if I get a little agitated while in bondage and am being too squirmy or whiny, a smack on the bum seems to somehow calm me down quickly. Also, not a spank as such, but I like getting a couple of butt pats or a butt squeeze while tied up - especially when they've just finished restraining me, as if to communicate "There, you're all set".


Re. the latter, when going over a lap, I like to have my arm pinned behind my back and my legs trapped between theirs, which isn't technically bondage but is a similar principle. I don't have to suppress my urges to block, dodge, or escape, because I'm not going anywhere even if I try.

I imagine strappado is the most helpless bondage position in which to get spanked. I've also somewhere seen a clever bondage/spanking position where the lady was bent over a horizontal bar, part of the bed frame, and had her hands passed back under the bar then cuffed behind her knees.

[Jeffpa1967]

I don't mind light playful spanking but not bruising or so rough that I am red or sore.
I don't really like causing pain so prefer to really shy away from it if domming.

[Kenzie]

I enjoy it if it’s part of bondage otherwise not as much

[BlissfulMisery]

I imagine strappado is the most helpless bondage position in which to get spanked.

It is certainly one of them, yes*! Having to control your struggling while remaining totally exposed and vulnerable really ramps up the intensity. Also allows for the easy addition of weighted nipple clamps to make it 'worse'

*It is not the most *painful* position however, just very, as you say, helpless/intense. But that is beauty of these sorts of things - there are a lot of options to customize the experience to exactly what you prefer, either in general, or in the given moment.

Re. the latter, when going over a lap, I like to have my arm pinned behind my back and my legs trapped between theirs, which isn't technically bondage but is a similar principle. I don't have to suppress my urges to block, dodge, or escape, because I'm not going anywhere even if I try.

Ties back nicely to what I mention above, about how sometimes you just want a different kind of experience - in this case one where you are forcibly held in place and can struggle freely. Every method has its merits

I've also somewhere seen a clever bondage/spanking position where the lady was bent over a horizontal bar, part of the bed frame, and had her hands passed back under the bar then cuffed behind her knees.

Yes, there are a lot of creative ways one can be surprisingly thoroughly restrained with relatively minimal actual restraints. Have always had an appreciation for that sort of thing myself, both the creative and practical/efficient aspects. Plus it can feel extra humiliating to be restrained by 'just a pair of handcuffs' (as per the example you give).