Jackie's Journal (F/F)
Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2025 12:39 pm
Jackie's Journal
Saturday, February 26, 2022
CHAPTER 01: My Latex Fantasy
Have you ever had a fantasy? I had one of being dressed like my ordinary self and having one of my friends come into the room wearing a latex catsuit and completely owning me and turning me into her personal toy. No, you must understand this isn't just a scene; it's about finding catharsis through physical and sexual domination more intense than anything I'd ever permitted to be done to me, whether when playing games with friends or when producing bondage films.
Here at Maddy Tied Her, many a film starts as a random fantasy someone has. For me, it's complicated. You would have to take a long journey with me to understand everything that goes into this fantasy, but today I want to bring you into the planning and such that goes into it. There will be no bondage in this story, but there will be discussions of it. Look, my dear friend Destiny and I are eating breakfast Teddy's along with our dedicated script-expert Ashley, Mary-Ann, our boss, and Felice, our mistress of domination. If there's interest, I'll talk about production later.
"So, here's the deal, my captor is wearing a shiny black latex catsuit and black boots. I'm dressed like myself, probably something edgy and kind of gangster-ish. I get grabbed and fight tooth and claw and just totally fail. The catsuit girl proceeds to do a whole bunch of awful things to me."
I looked around the room with a big smile on my face while a bunch of eyes blankly stared back at me. That made no sense! Why didn't they say anything? No questions? Surely someone had an idea, a counter, a recoil, or some sort of reaction. You see what happened though? The words "a whole bunch of awful things" are extremely subjective by person and, for some, by day!
That's when I stop drinking coffee and reach under my shirt to play with my belly. That piercing was still the one thing about me that felt like me. There is no easy way to say it. When I was in juvie, there was this one team of guards—two male and one female—who routinely gangb-nged young Jackie. I can't talk about it; I had to do the "touch the doll" thing to tell my therapist what happened to me. Sexuality is fine for discussion in front of me, but not the past. No way.
"I'm sorry if you lose your coffee," I said, knowing we were waiting for our food, "I want this to be real absolute domination. I want the crotch rope to be so tight it rides both sets of lips. I want to be forced to orgasm until I'm whining from the pain. I want to soak my captor's socks in my own c-m and then be gagged with them and tape and a hood and a collar. I want my arms to be tied behind me so tightly that I have to wear long-sleeves to church tomorrow to hide the marks. It all ends with either my nose getting taped shut or me getting put in a strangle hogtie, as much as I hate breathplay. Someone has to be comfortable abusing me nonstop with chair ties, use of the poleboards, hogties, and…"
"Stop the bullsh-t, Jackie. Is this fantasy, or is the PTSD makin' ya crazy?" Destiny asked me.
"That's too dark. No, Jackie, I can't produce this unless you want it toned down," Mary-Ann was brutally honest with me, "In fact, this comes across as self harm. Are you OK, baby?"
"No. I've just always wanted a scene where I'm treated like meat on my terms," I pulled my navy bandana—my symbol as the Moonlight Gangsta Thief—off my head, "To claim my suffering."
"I'm going to side with Mary-Ann," Destiny put her foot down, "Honey, you're my best friend. It can be hard. Believe me, I know. You gotta listen to me though. This isn't going to help you."
"I disagree. Jackie wants the battery of all the things she knows she can take," Felice kindly took my side, "Then a buildup to things that are harder to take. After she has been reduced to nothing from the orgasms, the gag, and the restraints, she wants the breathplay so that her screams are so real that it'll send chills down the spines of everyone who witnesses the moment or watches it. I cannot be the one in charge of you for this scene, though. It would break me, too."
"She makes good points," Ashley spoke softly, "Listen to me, Jacqueline. You must bring it to a level you can take. As you have described it, this would be hours of filming and extremely hard to produce because remaining in character will be hard. What if you break too soon?"
"I don't want to break. I want to break the last semblance of control they have over my body," I looked down at the bandana and not at my friends while fiddling with the fabric, "Believe me, a full reclamation would require a spreadeagle tie and…," I choked on the words, "An invasion. I know you won't do that, but… I just want to reach the point where I do a quintuple snap."
Mary-Ann took a deep breath, "All right, sweetie, I am willing to try. Remember my hard and fast rules though. I am not exposing your crotch let alone doing that kind of thing to you."
"You don't have to do that," I continued focusing on the bandana, tying it as a wristband, "All I'm asking for is total domination. Back then, I couldn't scream. This time, I tap out and scream and get freed from the bondage with love and with respect for my personhood and as a child of God." I finish the wristband, fluff out my curls, and look at them, "Now, does that change your mind?"
"Let's talk business, Jackie. What do you want in this scene?" Mary-Ann smiled at me.
"I'm going to give you two choices. We'll do it your way," my eyes lit up now, "Here is my list of absolute must-haves: hogtie, chairtie, poleboard, Human Solar Cookers, hogtied in a filling bathtub, orgasm gag, cabinet, and breathplay. Please? I'm begging you. Please, Mary-Ann!"
I looked around the table at my friends and put my face in my hands. I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in 11 years. My maternal grandparents? Died without me knowing about it. I wasn't the only one here who had awkward relationships with their family or even among the Cool Girls or the Bondagettes. The saddest part was that I didn't even have good memories of my parents.
The Moonlight Gangsta Thief never knew the harm she caused then. I still keep that diary where I recorded all of my crimes, but nowadays I can look at it without crying over it. Why did I do it and do it so repeatedly? My childhood was not justification for being a serial bandit and member of a criminal crime ring at just 12 years old. I was awful, but I am redeemed. Overcoming what those animals did to me when I was in juvenile detention still tormented me day and night. Even working in the same prison as a gym instructor by morning and guard by afternoon didn't help. I thought working there and being a figure that convinced girls to reform would be fulfilling, and I instead walk by that same door and shudder every single time.
"Use any restraints you want. I trust you to choose the most intense ones for me personally. It's all bizarre… but I just want to be able to let my boyfriend… in the gate, if you follow."
"OK, Jackie," Ashley looked me in the eyes, "For the crate scene, zipties, to remind you how you were stifled while words and actions cut you to the bone."
Felice then added, "For the chair tie, paracord with your breasts exposed and fondled until you're forced to climax from it. It will be tight with elbow bondage…" and so forth.
"OK, we have a complete list," Mary-Ann took a bite of her French toast and took the paper from Ashley, "I can't stand this sweet foreigner sometimes." Mary-Ann tightly hugged Ashley.
Destiny burst into boisterous laughter. "Oh, Lord, Ashley, why'd ya write the notes in French?"
"Because it is good practice," Ashley rolled her eyes and tightened her embrace of Mary-Ann.
And we agreed that nobody outside our little group would know about this until we released the videos to the public for sale. This was one of our more difficult script-writing sessions, but that's why I wanted to bring you inside it. We script the events, but the words are truly formed as we're doing things. Anyway, that's how this particular script was written.
Herein, if you wish, you'll get to go inside my journal and get my own impressions of prison…
TO BE CONTINUED?
Saturday, February 26, 2022
CHAPTER 01: My Latex Fantasy
Have you ever had a fantasy? I had one of being dressed like my ordinary self and having one of my friends come into the room wearing a latex catsuit and completely owning me and turning me into her personal toy. No, you must understand this isn't just a scene; it's about finding catharsis through physical and sexual domination more intense than anything I'd ever permitted to be done to me, whether when playing games with friends or when producing bondage films.
Here at Maddy Tied Her, many a film starts as a random fantasy someone has. For me, it's complicated. You would have to take a long journey with me to understand everything that goes into this fantasy, but today I want to bring you into the planning and such that goes into it. There will be no bondage in this story, but there will be discussions of it. Look, my dear friend Destiny and I are eating breakfast Teddy's along with our dedicated script-expert Ashley, Mary-Ann, our boss, and Felice, our mistress of domination. If there's interest, I'll talk about production later.
"So, here's the deal, my captor is wearing a shiny black latex catsuit and black boots. I'm dressed like myself, probably something edgy and kind of gangster-ish. I get grabbed and fight tooth and claw and just totally fail. The catsuit girl proceeds to do a whole bunch of awful things to me."
I looked around the room with a big smile on my face while a bunch of eyes blankly stared back at me. That made no sense! Why didn't they say anything? No questions? Surely someone had an idea, a counter, a recoil, or some sort of reaction. You see what happened though? The words "a whole bunch of awful things" are extremely subjective by person and, for some, by day!
That's when I stop drinking coffee and reach under my shirt to play with my belly. That piercing was still the one thing about me that felt like me. There is no easy way to say it. When I was in juvie, there was this one team of guards—two male and one female—who routinely gangb-nged young Jackie. I can't talk about it; I had to do the "touch the doll" thing to tell my therapist what happened to me. Sexuality is fine for discussion in front of me, but not the past. No way.
"I'm sorry if you lose your coffee," I said, knowing we were waiting for our food, "I want this to be real absolute domination. I want the crotch rope to be so tight it rides both sets of lips. I want to be forced to orgasm until I'm whining from the pain. I want to soak my captor's socks in my own c-m and then be gagged with them and tape and a hood and a collar. I want my arms to be tied behind me so tightly that I have to wear long-sleeves to church tomorrow to hide the marks. It all ends with either my nose getting taped shut or me getting put in a strangle hogtie, as much as I hate breathplay. Someone has to be comfortable abusing me nonstop with chair ties, use of the poleboards, hogties, and…"
"Stop the bullsh-t, Jackie. Is this fantasy, or is the PTSD makin' ya crazy?" Destiny asked me.
"That's too dark. No, Jackie, I can't produce this unless you want it toned down," Mary-Ann was brutally honest with me, "In fact, this comes across as self harm. Are you OK, baby?"
"No. I've just always wanted a scene where I'm treated like meat on my terms," I pulled my navy bandana—my symbol as the Moonlight Gangsta Thief—off my head, "To claim my suffering."
"I'm going to side with Mary-Ann," Destiny put her foot down, "Honey, you're my best friend. It can be hard. Believe me, I know. You gotta listen to me though. This isn't going to help you."
"I disagree. Jackie wants the battery of all the things she knows she can take," Felice kindly took my side, "Then a buildup to things that are harder to take. After she has been reduced to nothing from the orgasms, the gag, and the restraints, she wants the breathplay so that her screams are so real that it'll send chills down the spines of everyone who witnesses the moment or watches it. I cannot be the one in charge of you for this scene, though. It would break me, too."
"She makes good points," Ashley spoke softly, "Listen to me, Jacqueline. You must bring it to a level you can take. As you have described it, this would be hours of filming and extremely hard to produce because remaining in character will be hard. What if you break too soon?"
"I don't want to break. I want to break the last semblance of control they have over my body," I looked down at the bandana and not at my friends while fiddling with the fabric, "Believe me, a full reclamation would require a spreadeagle tie and…," I choked on the words, "An invasion. I know you won't do that, but… I just want to reach the point where I do a quintuple snap."
Mary-Ann took a deep breath, "All right, sweetie, I am willing to try. Remember my hard and fast rules though. I am not exposing your crotch let alone doing that kind of thing to you."
"You don't have to do that," I continued focusing on the bandana, tying it as a wristband, "All I'm asking for is total domination. Back then, I couldn't scream. This time, I tap out and scream and get freed from the bondage with love and with respect for my personhood and as a child of God." I finish the wristband, fluff out my curls, and look at them, "Now, does that change your mind?"
"Let's talk business, Jackie. What do you want in this scene?" Mary-Ann smiled at me.
"I'm going to give you two choices. We'll do it your way," my eyes lit up now, "Here is my list of absolute must-haves: hogtie, chairtie, poleboard, Human Solar Cookers, hogtied in a filling bathtub, orgasm gag, cabinet, and breathplay. Please? I'm begging you. Please, Mary-Ann!"
I looked around the table at my friends and put my face in my hands. I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in 11 years. My maternal grandparents? Died without me knowing about it. I wasn't the only one here who had awkward relationships with their family or even among the Cool Girls or the Bondagettes. The saddest part was that I didn't even have good memories of my parents.
The Moonlight Gangsta Thief never knew the harm she caused then. I still keep that diary where I recorded all of my crimes, but nowadays I can look at it without crying over it. Why did I do it and do it so repeatedly? My childhood was not justification for being a serial bandit and member of a criminal crime ring at just 12 years old. I was awful, but I am redeemed. Overcoming what those animals did to me when I was in juvenile detention still tormented me day and night. Even working in the same prison as a gym instructor by morning and guard by afternoon didn't help. I thought working there and being a figure that convinced girls to reform would be fulfilling, and I instead walk by that same door and shudder every single time.
"Use any restraints you want. I trust you to choose the most intense ones for me personally. It's all bizarre… but I just want to be able to let my boyfriend… in the gate, if you follow."
"OK, Jackie," Ashley looked me in the eyes, "For the crate scene, zipties, to remind you how you were stifled while words and actions cut you to the bone."
Felice then added, "For the chair tie, paracord with your breasts exposed and fondled until you're forced to climax from it. It will be tight with elbow bondage…" and so forth.
"OK, we have a complete list," Mary-Ann took a bite of her French toast and took the paper from Ashley, "I can't stand this sweet foreigner sometimes." Mary-Ann tightly hugged Ashley.
Destiny burst into boisterous laughter. "Oh, Lord, Ashley, why'd ya write the notes in French?"
"Because it is good practice," Ashley rolled her eyes and tightened her embrace of Mary-Ann.
And we agreed that nobody outside our little group would know about this until we released the videos to the public for sale. This was one of our more difficult script-writing sessions, but that's why I wanted to bring you inside it. We script the events, but the words are truly formed as we're doing things. Anyway, that's how this particular script was written.
Herein, if you wish, you'll get to go inside my journal and get my own impressions of prison…
TO BE CONTINUED?
