The Perils of Penelope's Picnic (Complete!) M/F
Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:20 pm
"HAY-ULP! HAY-ULP!â€
Despite screaming her throat raw, Penelope’s hero and current suitor, the pure-hearted Lord Percy the 4th Earl of Wessex had yet to arrive. As a wealthy, highly attractive young socialite/ hieress with legs that looked like they could go on for days, she was entirely unused to being stood up, however this seemed like the absolute worst time to start.
Silently seething, she stared daggers at the empty doorway as though she could summon him to appear through sheer force of will alone. When this failed to produce the desired response the young heiress turned her attention to the far more pressing concern - to whit the collection of wire-wrapped sticks of dynamite (in fire engine red) that were stacked at her feet.
Penelope Pitstop (for it was she!) dressed in her standard pink racing attire together with a pair of impossibly tall, white high heeled boots was in the somewhat familiar position of being tied up.
Her hands, (which were lashed together with thick, hessian rope) were attached to a metal hook located somewhere above her head whilst additional cords, tied across her slender waist and ankles pinned her to a wooden support beam. Completing the picture was a pink and white spotted bandanna that was tied firmly over her mouth.
“He’s late. Again.†The Hooded Claw snapped impatiently
Penelope mumbled a response that sounded like an apology.
“Are you SURE you said six?!†He snapped angrily.
“Mmmm†Penelope replied nodding (she WAS sure)
“Okay. We’ll give him a little longer,..â€
The pair waited.
And waited.
Eventually,..
“Oh, what’s the use? Really, I don't know why I bother†The Hooded Claw said letting out a sigh that appeared to originate from the very bottom of his boots. With slow, world weary movements he gathered up his once mighty green cape and deposited himself into a rickety old wooden chair with a low, defeated groan. All at once he looked every one of his sixty plus years.
Penelope broke the silence by muttering something unintelligible into her gag.
“Sorry†he apologized “I can’t understand what you’re saying. Do you mind speaking up?â€
Penelope rolled her eyes. Her kidnapper was having one of his ‘senior moments’.
“Mmmppphâ€!†She said trying to snap him out of his dream-like state.
“Oh, right, the gag!†He spluttered absentmindedly, “Here†He said unhooking the cloth so it hung uselessly around her neck.
“He’s not coming is he?!†She sobbed.
“No, no. I’m,.. I’m sure he will†He replied quickly. For some reason it was suddenly very important that his hostage didn’t lose hope.
“he’s probably just stuck in trafficâ€
“You think so?†She sniffed hopefully, fighting back the tears
“ABSOLUTELY! He doesn’t seem like the type of hero who would let a lady expire. (Especially one as beautiful as you) He whispered.
“What was that?â€
“Nothing. Nothing,..â€
There followed a long period of silence
“Would you like something to drink? You have been doing a lot of shoutingâ€
“Ooo, thank you, yes that would be niceâ€
“Good manners cost nothing my dear†He said producing a silver hip flask which he held up to her lips. She drank gratefully, draining the contents.
“Thirsty?â€
“A little. Wearing a gag can really dry out the mouthâ€
“I'm sorryâ€
“Please, don’t apologize. As the damsel in distress I’d feel naked without a gag of some descriptionâ€
Another long, uncomfortable silence.
“And, just for future reference, do you have a preference?â€
“You mean a favorite gag? Erm,.. I don't know that I've ever given it any thought. I guess this one was okay, although I must say I really do admire your taste in color. It really complimented my outfit.
“It was nothing†He said shifting awkwardly
“Nonsense. The little things really matter. Most villains who wish to render me immobile are in such a hurry to tie me up that they forget how important the presentation is to a successful kidnapping. YOU really understand the dance,..â€
He smiled bashfully.
“Look†She suggested warmly, “In the absence of a better plan, why don’t you cut me loose and I’ll make us something to eat?â€
“It’s a deal†He said beaming.
An hour later, the meal long since over, the internationally renowned jet-setting heiress and her would be assassin, were still sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of empty plates in the sink and two drained wine glasses in front of them.
Neither seemed in a hurry to leave.
They had talked about a lot of things, (music, theater, books, the latest series of 'Say Yes to the Dress',..) to the extent that it seemed inconceivable to Penelope that only an hour ago he had tried to kill her.
Again.
In fact, had she been keeping score, Penelope might have noted that this latest attempt at ritualistic homicide marked the thirtieth occasion that she had been abducted by her mysterious Nemesis.
Soon the pair found that they had drifted into a state of warm (if redundant) intimacy, laughing and joking about their past adventures together. Against all expectations, it turned out that he was really good listener (ironic for someone who was always gagging her) furthermore he was a really gifted story teller with a lot of amusing anecdotes to share.
Suddenly they were interrupted by the shrill sound of Penelope’s phone ringing.
Somewhat predictably the song was "Rescue me" by Fontella Bass.
“Do you mind if I get that? It could be importantâ€
“Not at all†He said sounding hurt, his expression that of a wounded puppy.
“Actually, on second thoughts, why don’t we let the machine pick it up?†Penelope said happily,..
Eventually the answer message began to play “Hi y’all. You’ve reached Penelope Pitstop. If I can’t get to the phone then I’m almost certainly tied up and in urgent need of saving. Talk after the beep!â€
“BEEP!â€
“Penelope?!†Came the breathless voice on the other end of the line “Are you okay? Penelope, are you mad at me,.. Oh, wait, you’re probably gagged. Gosh and darn it! I know you said six, but I got lost on the freeway. The blasted sat-nav sent me to the OTHER abandoned saw mill on the opposite side of town. Have you tried to get across the bridge during rush hour,.. it's murder! Anyway, I’m on my way now and should be with you in the next five minutes,.. Given traffic you had better make that ten,.. Fifteen tops,.. See you soon.â€
“Yay!†She said happily clapping her hands together in excitement “I KNEW he wouldn’t forget about meâ€
“yay.†The Hooded Claw replied with noticeably less enthusiasm.
“Oh my goodness!†She exclaimed, apparently oblivious to the change in mood “he could be here any minute. Quick" She said handing him the supplies "You need to bind and gag me before Percy arrivesâ€
"I guess,.." He said sounding for all the world like a diner who discovered a caterpillar on his salad "Then again, what’s the rush? You heard his message, he could be hours yet. Surely we’ve got time for one more glass,..â€
She appeared to think this over.
It HAD been fun getting to know a little of the man behind the mask (and cape)
“Hmm, well. I guess ONE would be okay, Maybe this time HE can wait for US,..â€
"That's the spirit" he said with a wide grin as he opened another bottle,..
Despite screaming her throat raw, Penelope’s hero and current suitor, the pure-hearted Lord Percy the 4th Earl of Wessex had yet to arrive. As a wealthy, highly attractive young socialite/ hieress with legs that looked like they could go on for days, she was entirely unused to being stood up, however this seemed like the absolute worst time to start.
Silently seething, she stared daggers at the empty doorway as though she could summon him to appear through sheer force of will alone. When this failed to produce the desired response the young heiress turned her attention to the far more pressing concern - to whit the collection of wire-wrapped sticks of dynamite (in fire engine red) that were stacked at her feet.
Penelope Pitstop (for it was she!) dressed in her standard pink racing attire together with a pair of impossibly tall, white high heeled boots was in the somewhat familiar position of being tied up.
Her hands, (which were lashed together with thick, hessian rope) were attached to a metal hook located somewhere above her head whilst additional cords, tied across her slender waist and ankles pinned her to a wooden support beam. Completing the picture was a pink and white spotted bandanna that was tied firmly over her mouth.
“He’s late. Again.†The Hooded Claw snapped impatiently
Penelope mumbled a response that sounded like an apology.
“Are you SURE you said six?!†He snapped angrily.
“Mmmm†Penelope replied nodding (she WAS sure)
“Okay. We’ll give him a little longer,..â€
The pair waited.
And waited.
Eventually,..
“Oh, what’s the use? Really, I don't know why I bother†The Hooded Claw said letting out a sigh that appeared to originate from the very bottom of his boots. With slow, world weary movements he gathered up his once mighty green cape and deposited himself into a rickety old wooden chair with a low, defeated groan. All at once he looked every one of his sixty plus years.
Penelope broke the silence by muttering something unintelligible into her gag.
“Sorry†he apologized “I can’t understand what you’re saying. Do you mind speaking up?â€
Penelope rolled her eyes. Her kidnapper was having one of his ‘senior moments’.
“Mmmppphâ€!†She said trying to snap him out of his dream-like state.
“Oh, right, the gag!†He spluttered absentmindedly, “Here†He said unhooking the cloth so it hung uselessly around her neck.
“He’s not coming is he?!†She sobbed.
“No, no. I’m,.. I’m sure he will†He replied quickly. For some reason it was suddenly very important that his hostage didn’t lose hope.
“he’s probably just stuck in trafficâ€
“You think so?†She sniffed hopefully, fighting back the tears
“ABSOLUTELY! He doesn’t seem like the type of hero who would let a lady expire. (Especially one as beautiful as you) He whispered.
“What was that?â€
“Nothing. Nothing,..â€
There followed a long period of silence
“Would you like something to drink? You have been doing a lot of shoutingâ€
“Ooo, thank you, yes that would be niceâ€
“Good manners cost nothing my dear†He said producing a silver hip flask which he held up to her lips. She drank gratefully, draining the contents.
“Thirsty?â€
“A little. Wearing a gag can really dry out the mouthâ€
“I'm sorryâ€
“Please, don’t apologize. As the damsel in distress I’d feel naked without a gag of some descriptionâ€
Another long, uncomfortable silence.
“And, just for future reference, do you have a preference?â€
“You mean a favorite gag? Erm,.. I don't know that I've ever given it any thought. I guess this one was okay, although I must say I really do admire your taste in color. It really complimented my outfit.
“It was nothing†He said shifting awkwardly
“Nonsense. The little things really matter. Most villains who wish to render me immobile are in such a hurry to tie me up that they forget how important the presentation is to a successful kidnapping. YOU really understand the dance,..â€
He smiled bashfully.
“Look†She suggested warmly, “In the absence of a better plan, why don’t you cut me loose and I’ll make us something to eat?â€
“It’s a deal†He said beaming.
An hour later, the meal long since over, the internationally renowned jet-setting heiress and her would be assassin, were still sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of empty plates in the sink and two drained wine glasses in front of them.
Neither seemed in a hurry to leave.
They had talked about a lot of things, (music, theater, books, the latest series of 'Say Yes to the Dress',..) to the extent that it seemed inconceivable to Penelope that only an hour ago he had tried to kill her.
Again.
In fact, had she been keeping score, Penelope might have noted that this latest attempt at ritualistic homicide marked the thirtieth occasion that she had been abducted by her mysterious Nemesis.
Soon the pair found that they had drifted into a state of warm (if redundant) intimacy, laughing and joking about their past adventures together. Against all expectations, it turned out that he was really good listener (ironic for someone who was always gagging her) furthermore he was a really gifted story teller with a lot of amusing anecdotes to share.
Suddenly they were interrupted by the shrill sound of Penelope’s phone ringing.
Somewhat predictably the song was "Rescue me" by Fontella Bass.
“Do you mind if I get that? It could be importantâ€
“Not at all†He said sounding hurt, his expression that of a wounded puppy.
“Actually, on second thoughts, why don’t we let the machine pick it up?†Penelope said happily,..
Eventually the answer message began to play “Hi y’all. You’ve reached Penelope Pitstop. If I can’t get to the phone then I’m almost certainly tied up and in urgent need of saving. Talk after the beep!â€
“BEEP!â€
“Penelope?!†Came the breathless voice on the other end of the line “Are you okay? Penelope, are you mad at me,.. Oh, wait, you’re probably gagged. Gosh and darn it! I know you said six, but I got lost on the freeway. The blasted sat-nav sent me to the OTHER abandoned saw mill on the opposite side of town. Have you tried to get across the bridge during rush hour,.. it's murder! Anyway, I’m on my way now and should be with you in the next five minutes,.. Given traffic you had better make that ten,.. Fifteen tops,.. See you soon.â€
“Yay!†She said happily clapping her hands together in excitement “I KNEW he wouldn’t forget about meâ€
“yay.†The Hooded Claw replied with noticeably less enthusiasm.
“Oh my goodness!†She exclaimed, apparently oblivious to the change in mood “he could be here any minute. Quick" She said handing him the supplies "You need to bind and gag me before Percy arrivesâ€
"I guess,.." He said sounding for all the world like a diner who discovered a caterpillar on his salad "Then again, what’s the rush? You heard his message, he could be hours yet. Surely we’ve got time for one more glass,..â€
She appeared to think this over.
It HAD been fun getting to know a little of the man behind the mask (and cape)
“Hmm, well. I guess ONE would be okay, Maybe this time HE can wait for US,..â€
"That's the spirit" he said with a wide grin as he opened another bottle,..
