being Plymouth (MF+/F+) *FINISHED 20/12* *Good to see you all*

[RopeBunny]

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[BlissfulMisery]

And so we come to the Carnival (Redux)! Or at least the first part, I suppose.

Very much reminds me of a magic show in the presentation, certainly I imagine this was part of the inspiration.

I like the change of perspective, as it sells the atmosphere quite well, although there is a bit of a strange mix of 2nd and 3rd person (well, specifically one line in second person).

Shauna. And you've already looked in the slim yet well made glossy brochure, bought in the lobby. Have already seen the models names and photos.

I am actually not sure if this is just me misunderstanding something when it comes to English tenses and persons, but this fragmented sentence does stand out from the rest of it in a fashion that does not seem intended.

An interesting idea with the 'bondage collage' at the end, although it is a little hard to visualize the exact design of the frame they are attached to, given the varying ties (and by extension their varying requirements). An issue of pacing, I suppose - bogging things down with extensive verbiage would not make sense.

[Beaumains]

That's quite the show! Much happening and so many different bondage positions. I agree with Blissful Misery that pacing this is quite difficult as you want to have interesting ties but cannot describe them fully without slowing everything down and get a very hard-to-read text.

[RopeBunny]

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[RopeBunny]

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[BlissfulMisery]

I've tried, ideas on paper and I made it halfway through writing, but it didn't flow or come across well. And so I'm going in the direction you'll find below, somewhat of a summery.

This of course, pointed out by you both, could well be the issue I ran across. Much to cram in, and me unwilling to stretch the chapter too far.

Regardless. Decision made and on we go.

Fair enough. It would have been a scene with a large amount of moving parts, very difficult to describe in words, so I certainly understand the reason as to why.

Still, the chapter seems to have turned out fine with a - as you said - summary of sorts. The highlights as it were.

Bikes and bondage, my two favourite likes.

Sorry trees, close third.

Hah!

An interesting aside with Ashe. Wonder if it will lead to anything, or simply remain a small ego boost for Brooke.

And of course the 'fated' encounter with Morgan! A great set of lines, describing the complex and conflicting emotions of the situation using nothing but expressions/body language. A great finisher (and cliffhanger/teaser!)

[RopeBunny]

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[RopeBunny]

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[RopeBunny]

,,,,,

[RopeBunny]

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[BlissfulMisery]

Well, it seems being away has not dulled your abilities. Glad to see you back!

I'll just pause here a moment so you can all tell me how much I've- my stellar story spinning skills -been missed

Indeed

In some ways a slightly anticlimactic ending, but it would have been strange for Brooke to insist on rehashing the past - ultimately as she herself implies, it does not matter much.

Very much enjoyed the descriptions/use of language as well (as usual) - not going to quote every single one of course, but just some examples of lines I thought were evocative.

Helmet on, and outside I wheel my metal clad beast, my personal two wheeled hurricane of pure power.

A place to sit and read in the sun, or to sit and watch the world.

Or, to sit and regard my efforts.

The yawn, like the laughter is unannounced. Jaws stretched wide and arms out, head to the sky and eyes suddenly heavy. Body and muscles spent as the weeks and months, Carnival over, it all comes crashing in on me.

Overall an appropriate send off for Brooke and Morgan - a cozy scene of them back together again, one of them tied up. As it should be

Although I fear that if you were to continue the story at a later date (as you mentioned), we might find that something has happened to Thirteen (unfortunate or otherwise) - you have a tendency to try to 'reset' things when picking them back up again. Not criticizing it - it makes sense, as it allows you to write the story you want, rather then being chained to an old one. But just an amusing observation