THE MEN FROM THE ZOO (3)
Thursday After Breakfast
On his way past the PE notice board, Li Xiaji noticed a gap in the bookings for the tennis courts on Saturday. Being First Years, Bobby and he always got lowest priority but, as long as they got up early, there was a slot available before breakfast, which was always later on Saturday and Sunday than it was on week-days. Even the main court was vacant. It was the ideal opportunity for him to get his revenge on his good mate, Bobby. The Great Tennis War could continue. He put a note through the caretaker’s door applying for a reservation. Surely no normal person would want that slot now. He ran off to challenge his blonde mate.
Friday Evening After Prep
Fridays after Prep was always the time for sentences of execution and, on that front, other than Wednesday, it had been a quiet week and there weren’t even any First-Years to torture until Luke turned up. Obviously, the Men from the Zoo would need to present their confessions unless they wanted their sins reported to the Staff. With their reputation, they (other than Nigel) would certainly be suspended at least and, even more importantly, the shame of the loss of that reputation in front of their fellows was unconscionable. The Prefects had resigned themselves to giving up most of their weekend; with power came much responsibility – and frequent really good excuses for torturing younger pupils. Luke Gray was obviously expected to make his own suggestion for a suitable punishment and Thompson thought it had better be good a good one; if not, he would enjoy coming up with a better one himself.
The Seniors had forgotten Ross but he knew the routine of old and he was the first to attend with his confession. Bassett covered up quite well and even Thompson couldn’t find anything wrong with either the confession, Ross’s uniform or his posture as he waited to be dismissed. “Just remind me of the sentence we decided upon.”
That was unnecessary as it was obviously there in the confession and the statement of consent but it was all part of the ritual. Ross hoped that it would not be that cold in the morning. Bassett dismissed him and reminded him that he had better not forget his prep. As an old lag, Ross needed no reminder.
Next to arrive were the Men from the Zoo who had never been so well presented before. All five had immaculately polished shoes, ties properly knotted and covering their collar buttons, shirts tucked in and even hair combed and blazers brushed. They probably even wore the regulation white underwear in case Thompson was in the mood for checking. Five old offenders stood, feet together, legs straight and arms folded behind them facing the hanging jury.
Following a decent delay for inspection, Bassett opened proceedings. “D’Olio, Corelli, Cook, over there; toes and noses.” Jeremy, Dan and Ollie stood in line facing the wall opposite the Prefects’ table with their arms folded behind them. “Space out, hands on heads, elbows back.” That was inevitable, really; now the petty delinquents hoped that the Prefects would not take too long in sentencing the master criminals.
“First things first: Quinn, you have confessed to failing to respond during a turn out. What is the usual penalty?” Nigel had forgotten the ‘usual penalty’, he had been there so often. He was renowned as the tiredest boy in the Third Year. Unless there was mischief to get up to. His choir-boy looks stopped fooling anyone, even his granny, several years ago. Nigel had, over his Third-Year experience so far, suffered three different penalties on an escalating scale for sleeping through turn outs. His least favourite was the most recent barefoot, 16 k cross country. Sixteen kilometres was merely a nominal distance and would have required four laps of the official course, running from the school gate (the discrete one round the back of the old building), round the lake and returning to the gate with his arms bound. Thompson had added an innovative twist because it seemed to him that Nigel coped with his punishments too easily. After all, for the tiredest boy in the Third-Year, he was also a very competitive cross-country runner. Thompson said that, to save his having to run all the way round the pond, he could swim across it. Of course, he would be dressed for swimming but to make up for that, he wouldn’t have his arms bound. Thompson is all heart. He was, however, generally stumped as to what sentence would be appropriate this time. Some of his ideas would certainly not get past Bassett.
“Sorry, Bassett, I don’t know; I know what you made me do last time . . .”
“OK, shut it. Unless you have any suggestions.”
“And don’t just suggest a longer run, we know you just consider them to be good training.”
“Yes, Thompson. Sorry, Thompson.”
Let’s face it, at one time or the other all the Men from the Zoo had already suffered ‘Ordeal by Water’, ‘Ordeal by Fire’, and it was the wrong time of year to sentence any of them to ‘Ordeal by Ice’. The Prefects have even had to resort to innovative methods on several occasions, and all that was on top of any official school punishments. None of those five was, as Robinson remarked, “Tall enough to be a pain in the neck”.
“I’ve got an idea.”
“Pray tell us all, My Good Eric.”
“Well,” that cracked, unstable voice carried on. “You care about the school environment, don’t you?” That gave Nigel no option but to agree. “Well, turn out in your cossie, not your PE one, the briefs you use for leisure time in the pool. Yes?” Once more, Nigel had no option but to nod. “I’ve got an idea that I shall put to my colleagues here once you have gone.” That was no comfort to Nigel at all but Basset knew that he could trust his lieutenant to be creative; he could also trust him not to go too far, unlike his other colleague.
“Right, that’s one down and four to go.” Bassett turned his attention to Gary. “OK, Sherpa Tensing, what have you got to say for yourself?”
“It’s a tradition, Bassett. For the honour of the house.” Eric Robinson could not suppress an admiring smirk as he gently nodded his head.
“It was dangerous and who do you think would get it in the neck for not keeping an orderly dorm if there had been an accident?” For a barely eighteen-year-old, Bassett can sound just like a real adult when he is in ‘Head Prefect mode’. “Well?”
“You would, Bassett.”
“And, so what do you think I ought to do about it?”
“No idea, Bassett.”
“OK, you little scrote, do you think you deserve worse than Quinn; at least he wasn’t an accident waiting to happen?” Thompson thought it was time to intervene.
“Well, I suppose so, Thompson.” Gary was quite prepared to pay for his crime – he always was. Having said which, the Prefects wouldn’t want to drop him in it with the staff, he never meant any harm to anyone else and, in any case, he was too good value.
Robinson intervened again. “You know that idea I’ve had? Let me explain when the little wazzocks have gone. Trust me, Bassett; it’s a doozy. And I can adapt it to suit both of them.”
“And I suppose you can include the other three as well?”
“Just trust me, Chris – have I ever let you down?” The other prefects declined to answer in the interests of solidarity.
Bassett was intrigued and Thompson was trying to predict Robinson’s idea. “Right, you two, remember: swimmers only – and don’t forget your prep. Now piss off.”
Was that it for the day? Was that really all? But then, there was always the complete uncertainly about what was to happen tomorrow. Nigel and Gary made their getaway.
“Come here, you three, face the table and stand properly, listen to me very carefully.” Robinson had taken over proceedings, the other two were only too happy to have him do so. “You three, turn out tomorrow morning in your Corps fatigues, boots and vests (PT). I shall get an equipment list and individual kit lists to you tonight and instructions about where you should take it. Take your prep with you, I’ll check it on site.” At least the Men from the Zoo should get some idea from the list of what was in store for them and the Prefects were sure that the three rogues were very unlikely to get caught not having completed their prep; that would have been the cause for a visit to the Housemaster and a reference home.
“Who’s the fastest out of you three?” Obviously, Nigel would have been the quickest but he was not present so Ollie Cook owned up. “You, don’t bother with the denims, wear your shorts (PT) and gym shoes.” Nobody liked wearing the usually over-sized, blue cotton shorts that were required for Corps PT sessions. Ollie was going to look like a cross between a dosser and a scarecrow and, as for those old-fashioned plimsoles . . . He didn’t want to ask about underwear in case he was denied any at all and assumed that he would have to wear a jockstrap.
“Yes, Robinson.”
Eric seemed to have finished so Bassett dismissed the defaulters with the customary warning about ensuring that their prep was completed. As soon as the Third-Years had departed, Robinson outlined his ideas.
“Very commendable, Eric.”
“Yeah, very environmentally minded.”
“And a real pain for the oiks.” The Prefects approved
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Eric liked being organised and sat down at his laptop and began typing lists. After about ten minutes, Thompson threw a shoe at him; that happy, tuneless whistling was really annoying. The effect didn’t last long. Once he had finished, Eric inserted the papers in a brown envelope and sealed it. He wrote, “Do not open until 06:00 hrs on Saturday.”
“Ooo, that was nasty. I approve.” Thompson admired his colleague’s work. “Saturday? Six o’clock? They’re really going to hate that.”
“And the best bit about it is that they’ll have to leave it sealed in case ‘somebody’,” here Bassett looked at Thompson, “Checks it”.
Chris Thompson feigned innocence.
Eric was so contented with his ideas that he even went to Dorm 3z to deliver the epistle personally.
---00000---
Eric was probably a bit premature in putting himself out as delivery boy. If only he had waited, a very panicked-looking Luke arrived at the Prefects’ Study. He had not found completing all the weekend’s prep tasks easy in the available time and was certain that he would be for it (even more than he was already) because he was late. By then, Thompson was in a really good mood due to the creativity of his absent colleague, and Luke got away with it quite lightly – well, sort of: he still had to explain his suggestion to the Prefects. He only hoped they would agree and that he hadn’t awarded himself too stiff a penalty.
He started at ninety-miles-a hour with his stammered apologies and explanations while arranging his prep on the large table behind which Chris Thompson and Bassett were sitting. Eventually, he stopped the unstructured stream of desperate pleading and, having worked himself to a halt, stood breathing heavily.
Thompson let him stand there for longer than it seemed to a Luke who had worked himself up into a right old state. Basset told him to breathe in slowly and to calm down. There followed another interminable (to Luke) wait.
“Ready now?”
“Y-yes, Bassett, thank you Bassett.”
“Right, Chris, my man, as the offended party, over to you.”
Luke looked dutifully in the direction of whoever was addressing him at the time. “Very well, Gray, remind me of why you are here.”
Luke recounted his heinous offence and repeated more apologies than anyone should have been able to fit into the time available.
“Right, schtum.” Luke clammed up immediately. “Prep?” As if Thompson could not see all three tasks sitting in front of him. Luke breathed in and introduced his geography task. “Show me.” Luke unfolded his arms and acted as a lectern to display an immaculately annotated diagram alongside a brief explanation of how the Pennines affected the English weather. If Thomson had any heart at all, the cartoon of the guy with the umbrella standing somewhere in Yorkshire would have earned him at least some sort of partial reprieve. However; Luke couldn’t really tell what that snort signified.
Basset intervened. “Do your tie up.” Luke had obviously forgotten the last-minute safety checks. Things were not looking good. “Next piece.”
That was better, Luke was good at art and picked up his sketch-book containing the required lightening portraits of three of his classmates. Basset had difficulty suppressing a snort as he recognised what was obviously a caricature of his little brother. He was still smirking as he asked, “Next!” That was boring: a maths exercise that neither Bassett nor Thompson could be arsed to check, fortunately!! Luke collected up his work and, without being bidden, pushed his confession towards his tormentors.
Thompson scanned it quickly and, not finding anything incriminating that the Prefects did not already know about, shoved it into a drawer as insurance. “Now, wretched worm, what do you have to propose as penance for your lack of respect for your superiors?”
Luke breathed in. Even as a First-Year, he knew the sort of ordeals he might have to undergo. He also knew that, try as he might to suggest something that might avoid it, such events would always involve his being tied up to some extent.
Not that he could explain it to his inquisitors, but Luke thought it was somewhat unfair as he had already been tied up and had to really abase himself to his so-called mates before they would agree to untie him. However, needs must when the Devil drives and Thompson would certainly not object to filling the role of the “Bad ‘Un” in order to maintain standards.
Luke simply had to make the best of things with the cards he had been dealt, so he went for it. “Please, Bassett, may I just act as Orderly to Thompson tomorrow?” That was usually quite a safe option, the convict would simply have to wait on the nominated Prefect hand and foot for the day. Thompson looked as though he was considering the petition.
As readers might have gathered, Luke was not exactly the brightest glow-worm in the hedge and he obviously expected to hang around the Prefects’ Study or outside the Common Room and act as Gofer for the day. Things would very quickly change his expression from grim determination to accept his fate to open-mouthed horror as the true nature of his fate dawned on him.
For the minute, let’s just say that Thomson accepted Luke’s offer and Bassett outlined some of the unforeseen consequences of his acceptance. Luke could not exactly withdraw his offer at that stage.
“Stop the fly-catcher impersonations, Gray.” Luke realised that his mouth was agape and quickly slammed his jaws shut.
“Right, dismissed; and don’t be late tomorrow.” Luke collected up his work and started to make for the door. “Oh, and Gray, leave me that cartoon of Basset Minor. You won’t mind making another one, will you?”
TBC