I moved the website to a new host, which I think will be more tolerant of the content this website hosts. Nevertheless, I do want to take a moment to remind everyone that the stories and content posted here MUST follow website rules, as it it not only my policy, but it is the policy of the hosts that permit our website to run on their servers. We WILL continue to enforce the rules, especially critical rules that, if broken, put this sites livelihood in jeapordy.
Like I say, the mixed telling, the wrong information coming across is likely me. The downside of my somewhat fluid and flowing narrative, which is the way I write.
...
So. Sorry, for the mis-reading occurring.
No, I was mistaken with the 'inconsistency'. Now that you have explained it, it makes perfect sense. I misunderstood the bracelet's purpose, thinking it was a more general suppression of whatever entity it binds. So my mistake in-fact
RopeBunny wrote: 10 months ago
I had originally a different storyline in place. Echo more friendly, patient and talkative to the girls. Who would need to go around convincing various girls (including the sister and Chelle the bully) to help them break the bracelet.
Blood to create and that same blood to destroy. Logic of a sort and suitably horror like.
But instead we have what's evolved here, which I far prefer. Lauren as slave/pet, and Chelle as a fourth member of the group.
The *nice* monster hiding under the bed
Might have been an interesting timeline to see. But I think it was probably the right call to stick more closely to the horror theme. It does make sense that this was your original plan however, since Echo seemed more like a prankster early on, coming out at night and mostly avoiding interfering with Charlotte's life. I suppose this is where I got the impression that the bracelet was weakening since the character of Echo's actions changed over time, but in fact what was really happening was you making subtle changes behind the scenes
RopeBunny wrote: 10 months ago
Like I say, the mixed telling, the wrong information coming across is likely me. The downside of my somewhat fluid and flowing narrative, which is the way I write.
Most of my stories change as I go, almost none finish how I planned at the beginning.
Nothing wrong with the way you write or plan stories. Obviously everyone has different tastes, but I like the more twisty-turny nature of how your stories play out. Of course sometimes this can lead to minor issues, but I do not remember an instance where this created a massive problem. Ultimately there is always some flaw that can be found with anything, and while I am the sort that likes to pick at things, I am also mindful of the fact that minor issues do not actually ruin a narrative. Keeping the right perspective, and all that.
-
RopeBunny wrote: 10 months ago
Finding the office by the proven method of walking in circles for a half hour.
Have to say I enjoyed the combination of repetition and misunderstanding. And understandable frustration on Echo's part. Ironic that she constantly berates them for 'not knowing anything', and yet herself seems to fail to understand the problem. Less enjoyed the professor being creepy, but I suppose it does cleanly complement his near complete uselessness (to be clear, not a criticism of the inclusion, it does 'fit').
And I do not envy what is happening with poor Charlotte's mind (soul? spirit?). Although perhaps she might learn something about the nature of Echo's forced connection with her. Closest thing to a lead she has at this point...
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
I misunderstood the bracelet's purpose, thinking it was a more general suppression of whatever entity it binds. So my mistake in-fact
Still in part, some part or way likely down to me too. Glad it's sorted
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
Might have been an interesting timeline to see. But I think it was probably the right call to stick more closely to the horror theme.
It wasn't a bad idea/plan, but this direction is definitely better. I'm enjoying going deeper into horror, likely more then I'd enjoy the alternative, the original.
Looking around, taking stock doing the by now- and it shouldn't be but it is -normal routine of where am I? And, on second thoughts.
In the headteachers office, Mrs Morgan hogtied on her desk, regarding me with a small happy- creepy as fuck -smile whilst I sit. In her comfortable leather chair. As though I'm the evil genius and she my purring, docile pet.
I think I'd prefer the maze.
"Right."
"Yes?" Stretching, but not as a means to seek escape, simply working out the tension, shifting position. The smile broadcasting her contentment at the ropes, her willingness to remain within- Echo's -my power until- I -Echo decides otherwise.
She's in a dress, Mrs Morgan's outfit of choice: sleeved but with a plunging scooped neckline and a hem below the knee, figure hugging. Black with a scatter pattern of white flower heads, open. The kind of pattern which whilst most likely random you'd swear there was a method to the swirls and half formed lines of marching flowers.
And since we're in school, I'm of course in uniform. Shirt itching and uncomfortable where it rubs at the scars running down my back, which feel fresh. Luckily not a torn shredded mess, but then most likely Echo walked in here and Mrs Morgan simply surrendered.
Willingly.
The rope has her fairly strictly bound: ankles meeting elbows as opposed wrists, though these are lashed together too, her sizeable chest is squeezed, the rope causing it to seem pushed forward, thrust out.
An offering I don't- liar -want.
Paying more attention, tearing my eyes away from- I like girls, and they are an impressive pair -Mrs Morgan's chest I notice a book. A world atlas laid open on the desk before the headteacher.
Open to Greece, amongst other neighbouring countries. But a small part of Greece has been ringed in red pen.
Freshly ringed I'd say.
"This," standing, leaning closer trying to read the far too tiny notations printed on the map, "is?"
"The place." Nodding, which I see without properly looking. "I'll begin making the arrangements immediately of course."
"Right."
Immediately? Not even trying to stop the smirk from surfacing. Growing. How exactly will Mrs Morgan be arranging anything whilst she's tightly bound and at my mercy?
I step back, fast, sure she's about to rub herself against me in an aimed gesture of comfort, which I don't need. There's enough unsought yet unavoidable forced- because they can't help themselves, can't not seek to be my very best friend -comfort coming my way from Lauren.
And given what happened recently at home: locking my bound and gagged sister in a box, in her bikini.
Actually liking it, wanting partly to keep her there.
Wanting partly to wrap her back up every damn time I see her. Especially if she smiles at me, which she always does.
I really don't need my headteacher offering herself to me too.
I mean, I do want her to. Offer. Which is the whole problem.
I am, slowly, losing control over my urges.
A thousand questions, only some of which she could answer. The remainder likely locked behind some form of gate or wall. Mrs Morgan's mind screwed and altered by Echo. The immediate ones though: what place? Why?
What's going to happen?
But I'm too much of a coward to ask, too afraid of what I might do, to her who lays bound and gagged at my feet whilst I'm asking.
So instead I free Mrs Morgan, and run.
The answers, some of them turning up the following day.
"Greece?" Mum, showing the letter from school to dad at the dinner table. The sealed letter I've yet to see.
Because it's sealed.
"Seems a little bit far," dad, reading, frowning over the letter at me, "for a field trip?"
"Well...." Calm. Composed. Face desperately trying to betray nothing. "I...."
"And your sister's going too?"
"I am?"
"Wha...." Coughing on my swallow of water, either that or it'll explode out my mouth, showering dad.
"And free too?" Making it a question, watching as I cough some more. Another frown. "Unlike Merton to pick up the tab like this?"
"Still...." Mum taking the letter back, nodding as she reads it through again.
My eyes finding Lauren's across the table, smile wiping off the frown of my leaving. Because now she gets to remain by my side.
Helpful.
Obedient.
The slave I didn't ask for yet seem increasingly to want. Resisting but I'm only so much a good person, one day I'll crack again, and Lauren will end up in the box.
Smiling around her gag.
And what of the trip? That I know almost nothing about yet already fear on a deep unexplainable level. I can follow the train of logic: the atlas, some small patch of something ringed, by Echo. A place she wishes to visit and now arranging for Lauren, one of the three branded, to come too.
Bad times coming. I can, I'd swear, feel them. Poised and waiting on the horizon.
After dinner I message the girls, asking to chat. A group video call it takes them longer then I'd expected to respond too.
A distance? Growing?
"Girls."
"Hey girl."
"Evening you."
With a silent nod from Sammy, all of them smiling but not as widely as me.
"Fuck. Um." Meeting the Professor was yesterday, because I checked the date.
Which in itself is all kinds of messed up, like a time traveller or something.
"Boy, what day is it?"
"Char?" All of them frowning as I realise I've spoken aloud, Tash asking. "What?"
"I'm." Quick bout of crazed sounding laughter, which doesn't help their expressions. I run a hand down my face. Breathe.
"Sorry." And I truly am. "I only got back at three."
Back, as though I've been on holiday, which thought. Th
e
.
m
..
a
.
ze makes me shiver.
"Are you all okay?" Seeing, an attempted smile from Chelle, Sammy's slowly shaken head and Tash's brief shiver spasm. They aren't. "Crap." I will not cry, I do not deserve to cry even if I can see, feel my friends distancing. From me. "What did she do?"
"Well. She." Sammy begins, before a sudden bout of laughter, nearly as crazy sounding as mine stops her.
"She tried to sell us." Chelle, still with a small smile, like it's all a game. An adventure.
Or that she'd actually liked it?
"She was looking, for something?"
"Information. Um, but."
"Nothing." The three of them, sharing the load of telling me. "And with us three tied up all over the office. Waiting."
"She...."
"Yes?" Because Chelle had paused, thoughtful, and none of the other two had stepped in.
"Are you...." Swallowing, fearing the answer but asking. Being a good friend, possibly for the last time. "Do you need me to walk away?" Swiping away the tears forming.
I do not deserve to cry.
"It might be safer if I left you all alone?"
"No." Sammy, no hesitation and that just makes me cry harder. "Char." Reaching out to touch her screen. "We're in this too."
As Tash nods, as Chelle, in it. It being Echo and our fucked up lives. Chelle in it far less but smiling, crying too. Making a heart shape with her hands, placing it atop her chest, hovering above that always impressive deep cleavage.
"Besides." A shrug. "Not like she couldn't find us anyway."
To which we all manage a laugh, a shared doomed smile.
Tension. Eased.
"She wants to go to Greece."
"Greece?"
"And...." Sammy, thoughtful, and I haven't told them about Lauren, about Mrs Morgan or the nurse yet. "Now we're off to Greece."
"Wait." Tash. "Echo switched our school French trip to Greece?" Disbelief in her voice and face. "How the fuck did she even do that?"
"Long story." Shaking my head.
"My parents went batshit nuts at the extra fee being asked."
"It's. Um." Not able to hide the smile, because this part is kinda funny. "I don't have to pay."
"Bollocks?" Staring, all of them staring.
Laughing as I shake my head.
Not bollocks.
"Fuck." Chelle, cursing like breathing out. "What's in Greece that she needs you there so badly?"
"Not a clue." Shrugging, at the same time as Sammy declares.
"The River." Clicking her fingers.
"River?" Frowning as Tash nods. "What?"
"She said it to the pervert." Small giggle from Sammy and Chelle, Tash only shaking her head. "Said something about needing a River?"
"Right?" But Frowning, not getting it.
"Can you?"
"I can try." Sammy nods. "I'll look, but." A shrug.
And in Greece- which comes around far too quickly, as though Echo somehow had control over time -I'm treated to a display of just how far the Nightmares ownership of those she branded actually extends.
Fully half of year ten aren't there, rumours. Facts swirling regarding parents flat out refusing to pay the hiked fee for the changed location.
"Why the fuck are we going to Greece?" I hear one boy loudly exclaim, purposefully within earshot of the teachers tasked with chaperoning and supervising us. "It's always France. Fucking," glaring, being bold, "always."
One of many whose friends aren't here. Frustrated. Angry.
Those emotions being met on the other side by Mrs Morgan's blank neutrality, saying nothing. Explaining nothing.
And with the teachers. Lauren, attending at Echo's silent will. My sister, scowling at all the boys so blatantly eying her up. A college girl, older. Experienced, so they're all openly musing, in the ways.
Scowling, whilst simultaneously being super nice to me.
"What's even in fucking Greece?" Muttering on the half empty coach, a choice of seats and most of those aboard still angry.
What indeed.
A river, or River given the importance Echo seems to of attached to this unknown body of water.
Unknown, because we can't find it. Not on the maps pre-departure, checking and researching. Not on the local maps post arrival at the site.
No River, or river, even. Nothing of any obvious significance anywhere nearby.
"Maybe." Back on the coach this had been, hours following hours of endless roads, numerous stops, breaks for snacks or the restroom. For the drivers- we've got two -to swap.
The four of us having somehow stolen the backseat, prime coach real estate except the popular kids are too withdrawn, too angry to care.
Chelle, speaking in the semi hushed tone we all drop into whenever Echo enters our conversation, all of us looking around, furtive. Afraid of being overheard as though any outsider would even understand.
Not only afraid of being overheard by those outside: if I can hear, she can hear. And what, really, can we do about that?
"You could've stayed home?"
"And miss all this fun." Sweeping arm gesture, taking in the sullen coach and the fields.
More. Fucking. Fields.
Rolling by outside the window, we all giggle.
"No." Shaking my head and scowling, suddenly serious. "She'd just find a way to bring me there anyway." An irritable shiver, spasm. A pointless fight against the Nightmare who holds my strings. "Somehow."
And later, on the second night. Of three. We four sharing a room, bunking together within the Lodge: a sprawling gentle C curve of a main building, separate smaller halls or barn like storage sheds nestled close, Merton having been allocated a grouping of rooms on the third- top -floor, at one end of the C.
Too tired, but none of us in the mood to sleep and by now my feelings: approaching doom, something dark on the horizon, rushing headlong and unstoppable toward me. Us.
By now the girls have begun to share my sense of helplessness, the occasional shiver, jumping at sudden nearby laughter or shouting.
We're all sat on my bed, a line abreast wearing baggy tee's and pants, drawstring trousers and vest tops.
Sammy, clearing her throat and.
"We could run?" Staring up at the ceiling, all of us are. "We could leave now?"
"We could tie you up." Chelle, and because it's her for all her words are spoken seriously not in a playful tone.
I shiver. Blush.
"Blindfold you." Thoughtful, feeling her way. "Immobilise Echo and just...."
"Take you back home?" Tash finishes, nodding.
Though how they'd manage that: shipping a bound and blind, likely gagged too, me back home without using the coach?
"No."
"No?"
"No." Shaking my head, pushing forwards and wriggling off the bed, wandering into the small ensuite bathroom but leaving the door open, letting them see me.
Staring at myself in the mirror, being brave whilst feeling anything but.
"Anything we do now. You'll only stop. Right?"
Seeing Tash flinch, her hand going automatically to Chelle's, who she's next to.
Sammy staring at me as you would a crazy person, but with a kind of fascinated wonder. That I'd be so bold slash stupid as to call Echo out.
But the Nightmare doesn't respond. So I shrug, laugh my way back to the bed.
Gallows humour.
And on night three she comes.
I'm woken by a muffled cry, the unfamiliar sound penetrating whatever dream, wrong enough to rouse me enough that I hear the following sounds too.
Knowing, even as I come fully awake, sitting up and reaching for the light. Not surprised by the scene: Lauren, Mrs Morgan and Miss Sideways, the three branded already two thirds of the way through dealing with my friends.
Chelle, and Tash. Mirrors of each other, pinned by rope, lashed to their narrow single beds arms bent upwards and wrists bound to the headboard, legs together and likewise bound to the frame.
Cloth gags, wrapped and harshly tied.
And Sammy, fighting a losing battle, three on one unless I can....
The darkness, numbness rising even whilst I'm rising, making to throw myself forwards up and off the bed.
Plunged instead down, like being drowned and I forget about the m
.
az
.
..
.
e instead I'm thrashing.
But only for that eyeblink instant.
Waking, the cold feeling of Echo receding, discovering that.
I'm already fucked.
Smells, feels like being underground, the air close. High above me the arched ceiling is rock, stalactites hanging irregularly, vines scattering the space. Hanging too.
About halfway down the walls change from rock to stone, huge shaped bricks of varying grey shades and what I can see of the floor is likewise.
What I can see. Because I'm laying down in a fashioned channel, a slight dip in the floor running from left to right and me in the widened centre. An island.
Still dressed in my grey vest top and pink lace pants, on my back and each limb stretching and pointed off at angles to make me a perfect X. Held, my whole body held my hinged metal, dirty dark grey metal half hoops capturing me at multiple points: ankles and knees, thighs and waist, neck, wrists and elbows. Each hoop locked somehow.
And stood around me the three branded.
"Laur...?" Licking dry lips, real fear rising and in a moment I'll start to shiver.
And I might not be able to stop.
"Please." Voice even, but keeping it so is hard. "Laur, it's me. Char."
"Don't worry." And her voice is so fucking eerily calm, bending down to stroke my hair with something approaching love. "This is all for the best."
"No." Struggling, starting to cry. "Laur. Please, you've got to help me, get me o-"
"-For the best."
Standing back up, smiling. All three of them smiling down at me.
As from somewhere the water.
The River.
Comes, bubbling and flowing down the channel, swirling and spiralling as it hits me.
So. Fucking. Cold.
Finding it's way around, not deep enough to submerge, rising about halfway up my slim laid down bulk.
And
m
...
.
a
.
ze
suddenly coming back to myself, breathing hard. Shivering. Scared because
d
.
..
ar
.
kne
...
.
.
ss
something is happening. The water, I can feel it somehow breaking the inside of me? And it feels like the end, like a great nothingness rushing towards
m
.
.
a
...
.
ze
me and I don't know how to make it stop how to make it go away.
"Laur." Voice breaking, the plea coming out like a scream. Desperate. "Please."
Eyes wide open, but the darkness encroaches. Filling my world.
Interesting couple of chapters here. A trip to Greece sounds like a dream to me. (Of course, I'm not possessed )
You actually got me to shiver a little with that 2nd part. I liked it!
Ready for more when you get to it
Seems Charlotte is in a bit of trouble (quite the understatement...)
Surprised that the girls did not realize that 'the River' probably did not refer to a literal river, but I doubt it would have mattered either way. None of them really have any control over the situation, Charlotte probably least of all. A terrifying situation to be in, and I think the chapters capture the feeling of confusion well, with how everything jumps around, Charlotte simply swept along by events.
RopeBunny wrote: 10 months ago
"It might be safer if I left you all alone?"
"No." Sammy, no hesitation and that just makes me cry harder. "Char." Reaching out to touch her screen. "We're in this too."
As Tash nods, as Chelle, in it. It being Echo and our fucked up lives. Chelle in it far less but smiling, crying too. Making a heart shape with her hands, placing it atop her chest, hovering above that always impressive deep cleavage.
"Besides." A shrug. "Not like she couldn't find us anyway."
To which we all manage a laugh, a shared doomed smile.
Tension. Eased.
A touching moment to prelude the horror. Hopefully her friends will be able to help her somehow, although it currently does not seem very likely...
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
Seems Charlotte is in a bit of trouble (quite the understatement...)
Surprised that the girls did not realize that 'the River' probably did not refer to a literal river, but I doubt it would have mattered either way. None of them really have any control over the situation, Charlotte probably least of all. A terrifying situation to be in, and I think the chapters capture the feeling of confusion well, with how everything jumps around, Charlotte simply swept along by events.
RopeBunny wrote: 10 months ago
"It might be safer if I left you all alone?"
"No." Sammy, no hesitation and that just makes me cry harder. "Char." Reaching out to touch her screen. "We're in this too."
As Tash nods, as Chelle, in it. It being Echo and our fucked up lives. Chelle in it far less but smiling, crying too. Making a heart shape with her hands, placing it atop her chest, hovering above that always impressive deep cleavage.
"Besides." A shrug. "Not like she couldn't find us anyway."
To which we all manage a laugh, a shared doomed smile.
Tension. Eased.
A touching moment to prelude the horror. Hopefully her friends will be able to help her somehow, although it currently does not seem very likely...
Considering they'll have to escape 1st (something they haven't managed yet ) Your comments prove ur paying attention too.
Syko Sith wrote: 10 months ago
Considering they'll have to escape 1st (something they haven't managed yet ) Your comments prove ur paying attention too.
I would hope so - would be strange to comment without reading
Syko Sith wrote: 10 months ago
You actually got me to shiver a little with that 2nd part. I liked it!
Good to know the horror aspect is working
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
Surprised that the girls did not realize that 'the River' probably did not refer to a literal river, but I doubt it would have mattered either way. None of them really have any control over the situation,
As you say, it wouldn't of mattered had they figured it out.
I wanted it to be something of a surprise, the River not being actual, being instead some form of temple or built place.
But the lack of control is true, none of them can do anything save hope.
Caesar73 wrote: 10 months ago
Just read the last new Chapter! Very creepy atmosphere!
And so it has come to this: a tributary of the River, which holds many names but is always the last.
"Only those with a will survive the flow, all others. All things are washed away."
Inside.
Telling her, who I can see because that barrier is already succumbed
"I am sorry. Girl." Because I am. "Truly."
No made thing. No, girl.
Stands.
"W
ha
..
.
t"
"I would." Grinning. "Run."
It won't help. But
r
.
u
nni
..
.
n
...
g
she does, and.
Chasing. I will catch you and eat you and be free.
The bracelet
bra
.
c
..
e
.
.
le
...
.
t
will not save you now. I have already seen, with her/my eyes
n
.
..
.
o
the hated cursed thing dissolved.
Another barrier. Gone.
The maze. Opening. Yawning. But I have been this girl. She cannot hide cannot run far.
A delay. Time
r
.
..
igh
...
.
t
is all she will gain.
Stalking. Unwilling to
l
..
e
.
ft
make a game
le
.
...
.
f
..
t
instead I seek a
ri
...
.
g
.
ht
swift end. I am
p
.
le
...
.
a
..
s
..
e
eager to
d
.
...
.
oo
.
.
r
be free a
.
..
n
.
d
....
-
-
....
w
...
.
ha
..
.
t
Behind the door I collapse, leaning against the smooth wood. Breathe, hearing and sensing, feeling the Nightmare loom right outside. Paused and yet
d
..
o
.
or
she isn't coming in? But I'm cold, and it's dark and
t
.
...
re
.
..
es
suddenly I'm standing in a sunlit clearing, deep inside a lush all shades of green forest. Knowing on some level it isn't real. Knowing on that same level that, somehow
wh
.
..
e
.
...
re
Echo is both far away and close, yet unable to reach me.
Because this is my
h
.
...
o
.
..
.
..
.
w
domain, and her the intruder. And as that knowledge spreads I grow. Taller and larger. Looming. Making the forest a small thing yet infinite
m
...
a
.
.
ze
and inside I see her. See the vines grow, erupting from rich soil to capture and ensnare her my puppeteer. Wrapping her, pinning arms to her side and legs together. Covering her screaming raging
n
.
o
...
.
ooo
.
..
.
.
o
.
oo
.
.
o
mouth. Consuming and.
"I'm sorry." The entire forest in the palm of my hand, miles upon endless miles contained in a single glass sphere. Which I drop into the River.
I step inside, grinning though I shouldn't, given they've all spent the night bound. Because of me. But I feel good. Great.
Char, making a quick circuit of the room, freeing us to the point we can each finish the rest ourselves.
At least twenty questions, probably nearer a hundred.
Is it even Char? Forgot to look her in the face, stupid girl.
I could kiss her, Char's eyes dancing with mischief enough to make my belly flutter, and were it not for the other two I'd demand. Ask, that she kept me tied awhile longer.
Opening my mouth, because I've got to ask something and.
Outside a truck backfires, the ricochet bouncing and too loud in the stillness.
Something deep inside flexes, fast. Feeling like learned muscle memory but for no muscles I can feel. A sudden sense of movement, shifting point of view and a brief flare of pain up my back.
Char jumps?
Char, and what the fuck? Loud thunderclap like sound outside and Char, not Echo. Char. Darkness enveloping my friend and suddenly she's across the room, facing the door and with Echo's tentacles sprouting from her back ,ruined vest top hanging off her slim frame.
Trying not to stare at that half exposed braless chest.
"What the...?"
"Fuck me."
"Char...?"
"I'm...." Struggling to breathe, feeling light headed to the point I might faint. How did I cross the room quicker then blinking? Without walking.
How are Echo's tentacles now sprouting from my back?
Unless....
"Shit."
"Char?"
Looking at my friends, concern and a waryness. Unsure, of me and with good reason because.
I killed the Nightmare.
I, consumed her.
So, by a certain logic, the proof of which I can bizarrely- like nothing I can describe -feel behind me.
And I did try, think on and stare at those last freshly posted chapters, to see if they could be longer.
Because it felt somehow wrong to end with something short.
But, it works as it is, I like the flow of it and am unwilling to pad either out for fear of losing what I feel I've created.
The ending, not my original- Char's freedom -but something perhaps darker.
Char as the Nightmare, and what may happen next...?
Because, there will be a next. About halfway through, having changed the end destination to this just written I randomly thought up a brilliant- I think -plot for part two.
You're all going to be so impressed at what I'm about to do.
Or not
But I think it'll work, and I can't wait to start.
The other thing worth noting, in case it doesn't come across well.
Is meant to signify the change, Char stepping forward and Echo falling back. Char realising it's her head, her- inner -world and therefore her maze. Her rules.
Only one word is needed here.
WOW
WOW
WOW
Heck of a conclusion! Looking forward to the sequel. Nearly flawless horror style ending too! You've left enough unsaid to merit a part 2.
Char finally realizes it's her mind, brilliant.
I enjoyed it. My dear.
A bit short, but I think it works. Various loose ends you could have wrapped up, but ultimately it would not have mattered much, and there is something to be said for avoiding needless bloat.
I think it came across fine, even the perspective reversal part-way through. But I understand the desire to clarify, given previous posts, and the pivotal nature of events. A tough line to walk between trying to write something more meta-physical like this while also making it understandable. Especially in text and even more especially in a minimalist style. It is the type of situation that 'feels' like it should have more detail, but in practice I think the more you add the more convoluted it often becomes, where the attempt to 'explain' can actually make it more confusing then simply maintaining a laser focus on the most important parts.
But meta-commentary aside, it seems Echo desperation made her foolish, foolish enough to trust in her own strength over what she obviously considered a weak 'host'. Unsurprising, as power tends to breed arrogance - hopefully Charlotte does not suffer a similar fate. You mentioned specific plans for a follow-up, and among other things it makes me curious if Echo is truly gone for good, or if some part of her remains. If one was to extend the metaphor, a maze is a place for things to get lost after all...
Perhaps needless to say, but I should say it anyways: All in all, a wonderful tale. Interested in seeing where you take 'part 2'.
I highly doubt Echo is truly defeated myself. A maze is the perfect place to "lose" her for awhile.
You always point out things I miss. I greatly appreciate that .
The unfinished portions lead me to believe at least some of them will be addressed in part 2. To me, that's a wonderful way to leave us waiting for the 2nd part.
Syko Sith wrote: 10 months ago
Nearly flawless horror style ending too! You've left enough unsaid to merit a part 2.
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
Various loose ends you could have wrapped up,
The unsaid, the loose ends, these are things I can and will address. Knowing- as I've stated -that I was planning a part 2 I deliberately left certain things unfinished or badly explained.
Open ended, the biggest of which being Echo. Has she gone? What exactly is Char now?
It's the reason these final two chapters were shorter then perhaps am ending should be. Light on explanation in order to give me something to launch off of with the next story.
Syko Sith wrote: 10 months ago
Nearly flawless horror style ending too! You've left enough unsaid to merit a part 2.
BlissfulMisery wrote: 10 months ago
Various loose ends you could have wrapped up,
The unsaid, the loose ends, these are things I can and will address. Knowing- as I've stated -that I was planning a part 2 I deliberately left certain things unfinished or badly explained.
Open ended, the biggest of which being Echo. Has she gone? What exactly is Char now?
It's the reason these final two chapters were shorter then perhaps am ending should be. Light on explanation in order to give me something to launch off of with the next story.
